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I can't seem to find the legalese on the benefits site for the tobacco use status, since the site seems to just send me around in circles, but does using a e-cig/vape mod qualify as being a tobacco user, even though it technically isn't a 'tobacco' product? I stopped using cigs a few months back...

Yeah, call HR immediately. If you got insurance through the DC, you should be out of your 90 days, cause they don't offer it to you otherwise. DC HR tends to be forgiving when it comes to FMLA. Also, not to be a jerk, but I've heard gallstones rank up there with natural childbirth and passing...