Anyone here deal with mental illness?

Had a panic attack at work last night. Spent almost two hours just curled up in the corner of the softlines closet. My leaders are fortunately being really understanding about it but I can't get over the humiliation, knowing my coworkers saw me like that, and now everyone knows I'm crazy.
@SFSDan is right, you aren't crazy. You're not insane. You're not going mad.

You have an illness. That's all. You have an illness that affects how you think and how you react to stimuli. I don't even want to say you are ill, as you are so much more than your illness.

I think everyone with an invisible disability gets embarrassed when it becomes apparent based on what they can't do instead of them taking the power and choosing to share it. I've heard of people with seizure disorders being embarrassed when they have a seizure, people with heart or lung problems being embarrassed when they have to sit because they need a break and they think it looks like they are lazy.

And don't discount that physical things also affect your mood. Two hour long panic attack is going to be very, very rough on the body, and that is also going to be rough on the mind.


Same stuff, different day...
This coworker just didn't show up twice in a row to work - ugh I'm gonna be stuck here EVEN LONGER if he gets canned. I really can't stand the people I work with anymore, like really can't stand them. They're terrible and super grumpy. :(
Ok, here I am again. I've written and deleted this post so many times.
I've struggled with anxiety, depression and mood disorder my entire life. I'm so depressed right now I can barely function.
I made and appointment with a therapist and had my first appointment.
I need to see a psychiatrist but the only ones in my area have long waiting lists. (April 2019, for instance)
I'm hesitant to go on a bunch of meds again because, I've tried them all. They either don't work or only work for a short while.
I'm scared of losing my job. If I'm not at work all I can do is sleep, but I'm so tired all the time.
I really need help.
Ok, here I am again. I've written and deleted this post so many times.
I've struggled with anxiety, depression and mood disorder my entire life. I'm so depressed right now I can barely function.
I made and appointment with a therapist and had my first appointment.
I need to see a psychiatrist but the only ones in my area have long waiting lists. (April 2019, for instance)
I'm hesitant to go on a bunch of meds again because, I've tried them all. They either don't work or only work for a short while.
I'm scared of losing my job. If I'm not at work all I can do is sleep, but I'm so tired all the time.
I really need help.
I am so sorry you are feeling bad.

I recommend making an appointment with every psychiatrist, let them know how bad you are and ask to be put on a cancellation list, and then have someone who cares and understands call them weekly asking about a cancellation. I truly believe that you can't make the weekly calls in your current mood. Find out what your transportation options are and look farther than local area if you can find the transportation. I drive an hour and a half to see my psychiatrist because that's the closest decent psychiatric practice.

With your meds, I'm in the same boat, so many medications have been tried and failed. Try to remember what you've tried. It could be that everything you've tried fell into only one or two classes of medication and your problem is that those classes don't work for your problems. I've seen it for myself, psychiatrists simply get trapped into conventional thinking that the latest and greatest have very little side effects and work for so many people and they are not wanting to prescribe older stuff for fear of nastier potential side effects. A list of the medications might be able to determine what should be tried next.

For your job, if you have the option of moving in with family while sick, consider FMLA. Even without a psychiatrist, your PCP can fill out the paperwork. If you can't stop working, get a doctor's note that discusses disability (because a broken brain is a disability) and accommodations, like extra breaks and modified work hours.


Plays with strings
(((BEB)))) Tessa has great advice for you. The only thing that I would add is that if you can get a trusted friend or family member to assist with these phone calls, please consider also giving them a health care power of attorney so these offices can legally talk to your agent. Because the doctor's offices won't actually have a patient file for you yet, your agent may have to identify themselves each time they call as "John Doe, holding health care power of attorney for BullseyeBabe" in order to get any information.

Also, please stick with the therapist despite the delays in seeing a psych. And ask the therapist for suggestions on how to get in to see a psych sooner that doesn't involve presenting yourself at an in-patient facility.
Good point about the POA.

I used this site.
Free Power of Attorney Forms -

I haven't tried out any of the other states, but my state gave a choice of effective immediately or effective upon mental incapacity. I chose immediately because that way my husband doesn't have to prove that I can no longer make my own medical decisions, if I have a breakdown he can step in immediately and get me the treatment I need that I can't get for myself. The downside is that the person you designate can immediately access your medical records and talk to your doctor, even if you are stable and doing well, and are not limited to your psychiatric care. Don't mention that you had to go to the doctor for stomach pain unless you don't mind them calling and asking if stomach pain means pregnancy or STD.

Edit: I looked at the form again, you may be able to limit the POA to just psychiatric care.


Jack Jackie of All Trades
I'm 37 and have suffered from depression since I was about 14 years old. I've never been treated for said depression by choice, I've just learned to cope/deal/work around it. I also have some anxiety. Both have gotten better since I've been with my current partner and made changes to my life. Instead of being depressed for months, I'm usually only depressed for a few days or maybe a week or two before I'm back to 'normal'.

I was depressed when I found out I was pregnant in February and had been drinking heavy for like a month. Since I've been pregnant I've ceased drinking and I've felt a lot better for it. I've only been down every once in a while and mostly because I'm going to be a first time parent and going to the doctor's freaks me out and triggers my anxiety. I've learned to calm myself down these last two months.

I'm currently worried about PPD and wonder if my pre-existing depression is going to make it easier for me to get it and if I'll experience it worse than someone who has never suffered from depression.

I'm thinking about finding a doctor to talk to before my son is here to try and keep PPD at bay or to just have someone already lined up in case it happens. Looking for a doctor is overwhelming for me. I polled like 20 people before I picked my Obgyn office.
I would suggest finding a doctor now. A lot of places have long waiting lists to see a psychiatrist, and having the complicating factor of having suffered depression most of your life means that treatment of PPD, should it happen, will be something a regular doctor is not trained to treat. And I regret that I feel the scare factor must be thrown out there, but postpartum depression is not the only thing to fear, there's also postpartum psychosis, so having a proactive plan is very important.

What is it about a doctor that scares you?
I've talked vaguely about BDD here in the past, but had something kind Positive? Overall, it was a great discussion with a close friend. So, on here I've talked about the basic weight/height/etc insecurities that I have every day, but that was just some of the things.

I'm just gonna write out and explain some of my insecurities:

- For my make-up, I always include a sharp winged eyeliner. The real reason for this is because I feel I feel that my eyes are small. I try to curl my eyelashes as much as possible for this main reason, too. My eyes, to me, are small. I wish I had pretty large eyes with curled long eyelashes.
- For my lipstick, I will only wear liquid lipstick usually because I fear that I will have lipstick on my teeth. This doesn't really happen with liquid lipsticks as much, so I usually opt for those. I don't want to draw attention to my teeth because I have a small gap and my teeth are crooked. I've never had a great smile, in my opinion.
- For my hair, I carry a hair tie 24/7 to use. I alternate hairstyles from down -> low bun -> high ponytail -> side ponytail -> back down every day in different patterns. I am constantly changing hairstyles depending on what I'm doing. When I have my favourite flat iron curls styled, I feel best.
- My dangerous eating habits (aka not eating) has not been as bad as it had been when I was 19, but it is hard for me to feel confident with my body. My weight is a big one for me, and it's always been. I have a navel piercing because I thought I'd be able to convince myself to wear a bikini, but I never do. My swimming outfit is usually shorts and tank top. I don't like the way my legs look in one-pieces, so I wear those rarely.
- I feel that my hands without false nails are ugly. I know that's silly, but I'd rather have false nails than gel nail polish. I have a care method that I use to keep them on whilst working both jobs so that they aren't as much work to maintain. I do let my natural nails be between applications, but I do pay extra attention to my hands and feel less confident when I have my natural nails showing. Right now I have light pink nails on.
- I am 5'7" and I feel that I am too tall. My dad is 6'2" and my mum is 5'11". I am short compared to them, but in NM I am tall, and I avoid wearing heels.
- I don't want to appear unhappy even if I am. I don't want people to see this low side of me if that makes sense. I actually take time to focus on appearing happy to the world. I laugh extra, smile more, etc, but I don't know why I do this besides a compulsion to do so.
- When I'm sitting or standing around other people, I try to be as small as possible. For huddles, I try to stand away from the group so I'm smaller. I was sitting next to a TL I'm friends with before I was rehired at Spot at our mutual friends' house, and I was sitting on the sofa next to him just curled up eating because I didn't want to take up room, even though there was plenty of room. Plus, the eating itself was scary enough to me. I hate eating around people besides like my sister or best friend.

That's just some stuff I am aware is kind of irrational, but I can't help it. It's something that I don't talk about a lot, but I have talked about it on here very vaguely, and most recently to a close friend for the first time...ever! I was anxious, but now I feel that I have someone I can trust when I need her, and that's priceless. These pointless changes I make constantly to avoid being "ugly" take up so much of my time and I hate it.
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Ho hum....I'm watching you!
I feel like I've been gone for months but it has only been a short time.
I've been on my cymbalta (full dose) for a bit over a week now. My PCP (who I saw yesterday) says that it seems that I'm doing better....I'm more focused, more clear with my thoughts and how I'm talking with her. My last appointment with her was June 28.

As I think about how I felt on the 28th I do realize that some things are better....I'm not so anxious and feel a lot less fragile. So, maybe I am better.

I don't feel any better, but she said that she thinks the biggest issue for me right now is that Papa Kitty is still so sick... so I'm not noticing that I am better. We did have a good conversation and that helped me out. When we first talked about my next appointment she mentioned mid-September....right now that seems too far away. We did talk about meeting before my next appointment with my psychiatrist....especially once I said that I'm not sure what to do about finding a counselor. So...we talked about what I can do before my next appointment with her regarding getting a list of local counselors. My next appointment with her is on August 20. I know that the time is probably way too soon but I'm not sure that waiting longer is better. Also, it forces me to move forward on finding a counselor.

Still have a few things to think about and talk over with my PCP so it is probably good that my next appointment is so close.

Papa Kitty still needs to be fed by hand but he is keeping food down and he's still grooming himself. We're still waiting for the results of the culture on the fluid from his lung. I hope that we get those results soon. I do hope that the results will be good and give us quick options to help him get better. He's not really happy and the longer he has to wait for the next step the longer he has to feel sick. I am still very concerned that we won't be able to help him once we know what the problem is.
There's a guy I watch on YT named Boogie2988. He's been a major motivator to me and he's got PDD. I dont have PDD and ive learned to embrace myself, but I still need to lose a lot of weight. I weigh 290lbs.