Anyone here deal with mental illness?

pellinore

Life sucks and nothing good can come of it.
Joined
Jun 16, 2011
Messages
1,935
Our dog is a beagle. She's brown on her belly and chest. Most beagles have white underneath and a tail that is about 5' of white.
Our dog's tail has only the slightest tip of white. When you do see the brown beagles they all have hardly any white at the end of heir tails. If you go to dogtime.com and look at picture #1....that's pretty close to how our dog looks.
When we got the dog my mom said that she was adorable! Yes, so A-door-a-ble. She's actually named " Dora Bell." At home she goes by Dora....it is only at the vet's that she's called by her full name!
 

pellinore

Life sucks and nothing good can come of it.
Joined
Jun 16, 2011
Messages
1,935
It's Sunday morning and there's a bit of snow on the ground....maybe it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas?
This has proven to be quite a difficult week for me emotionally. I saw my PCP on Monday afternoon and my appointment was among the most difficult ones I've had with her. My PCP is very good about being on time with her patients....I usually only have a ten minute wait once I get to the exam room. But on Monday she was running about 20 minutes behind....for me, not a good thing to happen. The big problem is that I had way too much time to think about stuff....and of course, I started crying. When the doctor came in to see me, I wasn't at all calm, cool, or collected.

There were a number of things that we talked about. One of the things was how I feel bad taking her time and that I wish she didn't have to have me as her last patient of a very busy day. Let me say that she came up with a wonderful comparison between what she does (as a doctor) and what I did as a cashier. I really loved her answer and that is why I'm making sure to share it with you. She said that we are both in the "service industry." As a cashier, my service is to help guests/customers with their items that they are purchasing. I give the guest my time and attention. Then the guest leaves with bags of stuff. You can see, with a cashier, that there is a solution to the issue...the guest goes home with what they bought. The doctor has similar skills....her skills are her time and her knowledge and while a person doesn't leave with a bag of items it doesn't make things any different. We both have time and talent in our areas of the service industry. She was saying that she has the time and that sometimes it may take a few visits to feel as though I'm taking "Stuff" home with me. Our results are similar. For her to do her job she has to use her time to do her job in the best way possible.

When she gave me the answer that she did....well, it seemed to make a lot more sense about taking her time...I'm not taking it...she's giving it.
Wow. I cannot imagine a better answer than the one she gave to me that Monday afternoon.

Outside of this part of the conversation I wasn't very open to saying too much more. However, she knows me (all too well!!) and she was asking a number of questions and giving me time to answer. The other big thing on my mind is that I know that I need to leave Target behind me....but I'm not really ready to do that...and part of the reason is that I am missing my guests.....and you know what? She understands how much it hurts me and how it affects my every day living. She said that it makes sense that I miss my guests because they have been a big part of my life for a long time...they kind of are (were) my life (and my family) and that has all been changed. It will take time for me to be able to accept the changes and move on, but that it is OK to take time now to deal with my feelings about my guests.

These were the biggest issues although there were more and she had to patient with me as I was reluctant to answer her. It was also very difficult for me to be able to look her in the eye to answer her. I don't know why I couldn't look at her....maybe it was mostly that she would be able to see too much if I looked at her. I felt bad that I had started our appointment already crying for awhile prior to her coming to see me.

I do not know how I got to be such a lucky person to have this woman as my doctor. I realize that she's been around a lot of depressed people and she understands how it makes us think in such a weird way.....but for me....it is more than that. I feel as though she already knows what I'm thinking and feeling....she is able to draw out what the true feelings are and she seems to know me better than I know myself. I don't understand how she knows things.....I'm just glad that she does know so much. My doctor spent more time with me on Monday than anybody else would. While she was running behind, my original appointment was 2:45 and she had to leave for a moment to check on someone else....and she was running about 20-25 minutes behind. When I left her office it was nearly 5:00. No matter how I try to calculate her time with me it always comes out to well over an hour. Now, how many doctors would spend that kind of time with a patient?

When we talked about my next appointment she suggested early January (the time frame we've been staying with since early June). I really didn't like that time, but she did say that I could call her if I needed to. When I went to leave, I told the doctor that she could probably count on me calling her between now and early January. Well, she suggested then that we make a mid-appointment in case I needed to talk with her. So, we set up an extra appointment for Dec. 20. She said that when the 20th came close that I could cancel the appointment if I didn't need to come and it would be fine....or I could keep the appointment...that the choice would be mine. I am glad that I've got the appointment. I'm happy that the doctor suggested that we make the extra time. Just knowing that I have the option of Dec 20 makes me feel calm. I won't have to panic between now and January. I have the best doctor ever....I do not know how I got so lucky to have her and to have a doctor that cares about my well-being.

In my life there have only been three people that, when I am/was with them I feel/felt completely safe and protected. My doctor is one of those three people. I asked her once if there were places or people that she felt completely safe and protected around....and you know....she'd said that she'd never had to think of that before.

My doctor knows that I've now got Medicaid and that I am hoping to try to start seeing the counselor I saw a couple of times before being fired. I've sent an email to the counselor and I hope that it will be OK with her to schedule with me again. I sent the email early Thursday morning. Haven't heard from her yet...hopefully that's not a bad sign.

Well....now that I've written a short novel, I think it is time to get to bed and rest for tomorrow. Thanks to all of you who are continuing to provide your support...it means a great deal to me to know that I'm not alone in this current battle I'm fighting.
Thank you.
 
Joined
Mar 17, 2017
Messages
1,871
The medication I take at bedtime includes my entire day's dose of Seroquel. I have to do that because I am very susceptible to the sedation side effect of most medications. Geodon was the same way, very very sedating and I couldn't break it up. I took a dose of Tegretol before work and fell asleep onto the computer 45 minutes after arriving at work. Heck, Benadryl is not an option when I'm suffering from allergies because it will either knock me out or make me really loopy.

I was started on Geodon years ago, it's an atypical antispychotic like Seroquel and like the Risperdal I was on briefly. I have lost my ability to sleep and cannot sleep at all when I miss a dose. When I lost insurance I did not sleep for nearly a month and had very, very broken light sleep, a few minutes at a time for only 3 or so hours after that. I had a large reduction in my Seroquel a few months ago and I was sleeping only 4 hours a night until the doctor added melatonin.

Falling asleep on medication though is not like falling asleep naturally. Naturally, you lie there with thoughts flitting through your head, day dreaming, until those slide into dreams and sleep takes hold. Medication, it shuts down your body to where you have little control over it, and it shuts down your mind that starts with a fog you can barely fight through and then it turns into a fog you can't fight through.

I really, really miss falling asleep naturally. I don't think I will ever again experience what it's like to slide gently into sleep.
 

redeye58

Hasta Ba Rista, Baby!
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
18,201
My son has been thru 14 medication trials so far, including the four you mentioned & Paxil, Remeron, Abilify, Trileptal, Moban, Lithium, Clonidine, Amitriptyline to name a few.
I could always tell when a med wasn't going to work by what it did to his sleep & your description hit the nail on the head.
Currently he's been successful with an SRRI.
 
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
Messages
433
With everything going on during the holidays I can see how some people feel especially down during Christmas time.

When you’re not invited to Christmas parties or no one spends time with you...when you don’t have a special someone...

When you feel like you’re just a burden on everyone....

Those are the times when I want to curl up into a shell and just disappear...
 

PassinTime

Checkout Diva
Joined
Sep 13, 2017
Messages
1,326
With everything going on during the holidays I can see how some people feel especially down during Christmas time.

When you’re not invited to Christmas parties or no one spends time with you...when you don’t have a special someone...

When you feel like you’re just a burden on everyone....

Those are the times when I want to curl up into a shell and just disappear...
Remember your TBR family is here for you.
We care. Please keep posting.
 

can't touch this

Store Meme Leader
Joined
Nov 20, 2017
Messages
3,369
I’m actually jealous of people who can be legitimately knocked out by OTC meds. Melatonin makes me a bit groggy but that’s about it.

I’ve always had trouble with being able to go to sleep and stay asleep and so far the only thing I’ve found that actually has the desired “push button, go to sleep” effect is marijuana. The issue with that is obvious though...it’s illegal and expensive, etc. I want nothing more than to doze off and stay asleep for 10+ hours without using the ganja, but so far no luck.
 

Amanda Cantwell

Guest Service & Photo
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
2,881
I also have tons of trouble falling asleep. Melatonin doesn’t seem to work either. So frustrating. Once I’m asleep I’m dead but it takes sometimes hours to fall asleep.
 

Aredhel

Jolly Rancher
Joined
Feb 12, 2017
Messages
640
With everything going on during the holidays I can see how some people feel especially down during Christmas time.

When you’re not invited to Christmas parties or no one spends time with you...when you don’t have a special someone...

When you feel like you’re just a burden on everyone....

Those are the times when I want to curl up into a shell and just disappear...
Make the holiday your own. I will be alone this Christmas like many previous because owning a ranch means somebody has to be here. I plan a dinner for myself and do my chore rounds. It isn’t the stereotypical Christmas. My husband’s family is so difficult I’m happy to leave them to their holidays and celebrate mine peacefully. Carpe diem. And Merry Christmas.
 
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