Anyone here deal with mental illness?

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Without joking, then I'm in serious trouble as it impacts it daily, though thankfully in a minor way. But in this case, I have two banks, I bought something with funds from one bank and when I checked my balance for the other bank it knew I had made that purchase. Took me a bit to figure out how the second bank knew, and it really felt like spying on me before I figured it out.
 

Amanda Cantwell

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Without joking, then I'm in serious trouble as it impacts it daily, though thankfully in a minor way. But in this case, I have two banks, I bought something with funds from one bank and when I checked my balance for the other bank it knew I had made that purchase. Took me a bit to figure out how the second bank knew, and it really felt like spying on me before I figured it out.
I mean everyone gets paranoid sometimes, but if you’re concerned about it then definitely talk to a professional.
 
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In general, no need to talk, paranoid delusions are coupled with mania for me, and I'm on two mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic. At the best of times though I have some small amount of "they're watching me" "someone wants to talk, it's bad" "they meant their words to hurt". You can get the mind within normal limits, but you can't change personality completely, and I was bullied really bad from elementary through high school (small school, so same small group of people from beginning to end). But often the first sign of mania taking hold is the paranoia getting worse. It really scared me last night, one bank knowing what the other did, when the answer was rational though not immediate to know, but I don't know if my first reaction of "they must be watching my financial transactions" was all out of whack or a reaction that other, more stable people would think at first.
 

pellinore

Life sucks and nothing good can come of it.
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First, let me tell everyone that my appeal hearing to get unemployment benefits has produced a decision: my firing was justified and therefore, no benefits will be given.

It''s been a difficult week. Talked with my counselor about my thoughts of hurting myself. I'm seeing it, but don't have the desire to follow through. Right now, no specific plans....but who knows if that will change. Do I care?

My counselor thinks that I have anxiety issues. She's suggested that I tell my psychiatrist about this. I see him March 8. Don't really know if he'll be willing to add a medication, especially since I'm not sure that my Effexor is at the clinical effective level yet. So who knows what he might do.

I'm incredibly tired of not feeling good.....heck, I be fine with feeling level....even if it means being at a real crummy low level. I want to be stable.
 

can't touch this

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Friend of mine is contemplating suicide. I can't refer him to the usual resources because he lives in a crappy third world country. Anyone have any ideas for how I can possibly help someone through the internet?
 

TTGOz

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Friend of mine is contemplating suicide. I can't refer him to the usual resources because he lives in a crappy third world country. Anyone have any ideas for how I can possibly help someone through the internet?
All I can say is just be there for him. If he has a phone try to call him and talk to him, just see how he's doing. I had a friend contemplating suicide and it was a rough two weeks for us but he ultimately snapped out of it. I know he will eventually reach rock bottom again, but all I could do was listen, tell him how great a future is. I took him out one morning two summers ago when this was happening and showed him the sun-rise on a lake. I taught him how to catch a fish. The rest of the week seemed a lot better for him and I think he found some beauty in his life.

Kind of cringe, I know. Not a lot of people would be willing to do that, literally not one depressed person would, but he pulled an all-nighter like usual and I was up at 5am to go fishing anyways. Decided he had nothing better to do. I picked him up, we chugged a few energy drinks, ate some Fritos, and he got to see the sun rise across the lake, got to see the fog lift up off the lake. He got to hear the birds. He got to see the muskrats foraging about. We hung out all day and just played music on our guitars, then I took him home and he literally slept for an entire day. He was a lot better.

I know you can't do that with a guy in Algeria, but just being there for someone can go a long way if he can't reach traditional American suicide hot lines and resources, can't speak to a therapist, etc.
 
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First, let me tell everyone that my appeal hearing to get unemployment benefits has produced a decision: my firing was justified and therefore, no benefits will be given.

It''s been a difficult week. Talked with my counselor about my thoughts of hurting myself. I'm seeing it, but don't have the desire to follow through. Right now, no specific plans....but who knows if that will change. Do I care?

My counselor thinks that I have anxiety issues. She's suggested that I tell my psychiatrist about this. I see him March 8. Don't really know if he'll be willing to add a medication, especially since I'm not sure that my Effexor is at the clinical effective level yet. So who knows what he might do.

I'm incredibly tired of not feeling good.....heck, I be fine with feeling level....even if it means being at a real crummy low level. I want to be stable.
The leadership at your store is straight up terrible.
 

pellinore

Life sucks and nothing good can come of it.
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Well, my store leadership did suck. The STL left the second week of October. She completely left Target. My HR got another job in another business and she left the last week of September. Our HRBP who came to the store pretty regularly was on LOA because she'd had a baby the first week of October.

So, the LOD who took the guest complaint and the HRBP of another district made the decision.....although The LOD who took the call had asked the floater STL if there was anything they could do for me....STL said "You followed the rules, did what you had to do and the decision (that was made to fire me) came from above...so, no...there's nothing we can do."
Personally, I believe that, if the floater STL was interested in helping me out, then this issue could have at least been taken to the district level (the Floater STL had worked with me for about 3 years as STL before he went to another store)...so the LOD couldn't do anything as she had no back-up. The LOD is the one who I feel bad for.
 

pellinore

Life sucks and nothing good can come of it.
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Have any of you had a counselor who didn't believe you or didn't listen clearly to what you said in a session? Yesterday with my counselor we were talking about some of my dark thoughts and self harm. She had asked me about what I would do....what had I been thinking about doing. So, I told her that there were some pills that we have, but that I wasn't sure about using them....my concern was how to take the pills and then not wimp out by calling 911 or telling my family what I did. I didn't have this idea all figured out. Evidently I must have said something that didn't settle right with her and so she wanted me to go to a mental health facility to be evaluated to see if they thought that I might need to stay over night. I told her that I couldn't do that and gave her a couple of reasons...one of which I said is that I feel responsible for my parents and can't go....she said "I don't believe you....your parents can get along for one night without you." Anyway, she called the mental health facility and wanted them to evaluate me the next afternoon. She then told me that she wasn't comfortable with me going home. She'd asked me if I could promise her that I wasn't going to do anything." I told her that I wouldn't do anything, besides I have a promise with a person that I must talk to if I'm planning on doing anything. Anyway, I got the impression that I wasn't going to have an option but to go to be evaluated...and I told her that I'd go right from our appointment. She questioned me on that...I think she really was wondering if I'd go.

Anyway, I went and my counselor called the facility to tell them that I was on my way. When I got there I told them who I was, what I was there for and that my counselor had just called to let them know I was on my way. The receptionist said that she'd let the people know that I was there. About 40 minutes later the receptionist told me that the person that was going to help me had to go to the bathroom and would then be right out. Well, 15 minutes later I was still waiting and I decided that it wasn't worth the wait. I stopped by the receptionist and told her that I was leaving and I did answer her when she asked if I'd seen anyone and I said no.
I left to run my other errands. Little did I know that by leaving there that there seems to be a whole protocol to what happens when someone walks out. Two police officers came to my house and talked with my parents (I was running my errands)the police were looking for me.....anyway, when I got home I had to call the police department to tell them that I was home and then I called the mental health center. A bit later there was an officer from the police station to stop by to confirm that I was OK.

Needless to say there was a lot of fallout.....and I did listen to a message from the mental health facility the message was that if they hadn't heard from me by 5:30 they'd have to call the police.....and then there was a second message from them the girl said that she was sorry that they didn't get to see me, but that there were 2 other emergencies going on.

OK....since February I've shared w/ my counselor my dark feelings and the thoughts of harming myself. I've talked about possible things, but never have had a clear plan.....and part of why I told her these things was because my psychiatrist had asked me if I had shared this w/ my counselor...the next day I talked to my counselor and told her everything. One of the things I've mentioned is that I'm afraid that when these thoughts of harming myself come up that I won't be able to push away the feelings.

In yesterdays session we talked about a few things. I'd brought a copy of an email that I'd sent to a friend. My friend suggested that it might be a good idea to show her the email....so I did. In the email I'd expressed my feelings of doubt, insecurities, vulnerability, embarrassed, ashamed, that I needed their support and their calming presence, that I needed to talk to my friend. I thought that by having her be aware of those feelings then it would help her to understand my inner feelings. I don't know how we got from the end of my email to the self harm. In a way, I don't think that she took the time to read the words that I used to express my inner thoughts.

She had asked me some questions and I must not have answered them in a way that she was asking...because she asked (about the self harm) me something and her answer she gave said that what I had said implied "intent" and that's where I think her fears came from.

If she had been listening to my earlier comments she would have realized that I didn't have a full plan.
And while I've had dark thoughts about harming myself, the idea of following through isn't really there. As I've said my concerns from when these first thoughts came to mind I was/am afraid that I might not be able to keep the harmful thoughts out of my head....but not planning on harming myself. Having thoughts but no clear plan. I feel like everything got out of control too fast.

At the moment I'm confused about what to do. The biggest issue is that she didn't listen and she didn't believe me. This is very disturbing to me....I DO NOT LIE. So if someone says they don't believe me then my first instinct is to stay away from them. So I am considering ending this counseling relationship. I'm not sure that I can move forward.

Besides this issue, there are several issues that have arisen because of the police follow-up......especially since I had no idea that this could happen (most of this happened when I was out running errands and my parents had to deal with this.). I'm frustrated that after 50 minutes and having been told 15 minutes prior that someone would be out...then no one came. If there were really two other emergencies, why couldn't someone have told me that I might have to wait another 35 or so minutes. If they'd have shown me that courtesy than I would have been more likely to stay. Leaving after 50 minutes seemed easy because I didn't think that I needed to be there in the first place.

Two bits of information....tomorrow I see my psychiatrist (I'm sure that he will be aware of the happenings of Wednesday) and on Monday I see my PCP. I'm not sure of what either of them will say. But...I'm thinking that I'm done.

Any feedback for me?
 
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I do have feedback and it's what I would want someone telling me, but you may not like hearing it. I'll spoiler it, and you can decide whether to open the spoiler.

The counselor really had no other legal options. You said that you feel like harming or maybe killing yourself, your hesitation came from worry that you wouldn't do the job right (wimp out) and not from being unsure as to whether you wanted to or not. That is the threshold for psychiatric evaluation. If the counselor did nothing and you did hurt or kill yourself then the counselor would be in all sorts of trouble and would have to live with the guilt of not following up on your words.

And as far as a plan, that honestly means nothing. I came very, very close to death when I swallowed pills. I wasn't planning a thing, but for a few minutes the pain was so strong I sought any way out I could find. A lack of a plan will not prevent a suicide. Some people make an elaborate plan, a lot of people just do whatever when the emotional pain ramps up. The fact that you have a vague plan about pills and not wimping out is very, very scary.

Overall things happened as they should have. I know that it's probably tough to hear. If any of your family had a thought about how to harm, even if it wasn't a full plan, you'd probably want a medical professional to step in and protect them from themselves so that a more detailed plan isn't ever made nor impulse acted on.
 

band_rules16

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@pellinore do you mean you're done with that counselor? Sometimes you might just need to see a different one...I know that's a minor thing considering all that's happened, but you need to find what's best for you. I'm also not saying what this one did was right or wrong either. Are you able to tell her what you're thinking, that you didn't feel heard? I would also discuss this with your PCP and psychiatrist.

I have seen two different counselors - one was an intern and I didn't feel I got much out of it. But I was also in college and dealing with a bad breakup, so I just went with it. I figured she could use the practice. The one I saw last fall was good for awhile, but come November, I really wasn't getting anywhere so I quit scheduling appointments and going. I've had some pretty bad depressive episodes since then, and I'm still in a fog. (Basically I've only seen counselors after I've gotten dumped.) I've thought about going back but I just can't bring myself to do it. I told a friend this, and she said I needed to find someone else to see. I agree with that, but I also feel like my experience this year has just been circling. I need to pull myself out of this stupor.

But I do have to agree with @Tessa120 as well...the counselor had to do what she had to do. I'm sorry the center made you wait, and I think they had to call the police because they were concerned for your welfare.

I hope you get this sorted out soon. I'm pulling for you.
 

pellinore

Life sucks and nothing good can come of it.
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I think I'm just done with this counselor.

I'm also getting very discouraged with taking medications. I've felt pretty crummy for most of the last 10 months. There's part of me that wants to stop taking medications. I mean, if I'm still feeling so bad why bother to take anything? I seem to think that if I stop meds then I know that I'll continue to feel bad, but then at least I'll know that my bad feelings all have to do with my depression and know that I can't trust my thoughts.
Don't think that my doctor will go for this idea...but I can ask.
 

PassinTime

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Yeah, I'm not sure what to say here. It seems to me like the counselor did hear what you said. You were talking about harming yourself. Whether you had an actual plan in place 'at that moment' doesn't mean you couldn't do that after you left.

If you don't have a connection with the counselor, definitely move on. Or, are you angry that things at this session didn't play out how you expected?

Meds: You had mentioned in a previous post that you were starting to get some relief. Talk to your psychiatrist about this.
 
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Interesting article.

How to Quit Antidepressants: Very Slowly, Doctors Say


(For the record I am still very freaked out that Firefox always suggests articles that I very much enjoy reading or find informative instead of random suggestions, even when I haven't typed any matching keywords in my computer or searched for that subject. This is obvious, an article about Anna Dostoyevskaya only a couple of weeks after I spoke in person to my husband about Crime & Punishment isn't.)
 
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Interesting article.

How to Quit Antidepressants: Very Slowly, Doctors Say


(For the record I am still very freaked out that Firefox always suggests articles that I very much enjoy reading or find informative instead of random suggestions, even when I haven't typed any matching keywords in my computer or searched for that subject. This is obvious, an article about Anna Dostoyevskaya only a couple of weeks after I spoke in person to my husband about Crime & Punishment isn't.)

I’m not here to dispense official medical advice.
However, I can speak of my personal experience with quitting depression medication cold turkey.

It was straight up awful. I felt a combo of many things hit me all at once and I felt like I was going crazy.
I survived it of course but I would never recommend anyone doing it, just for the sheer fact that you will feel beyond terrible.
 
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I've only gone off of one cold turkey, and that was because the psychiatrist who had just taken over my care had me get a routine EKG and my QTc was in the mid 500s. Others I've gone off of on the standard schedule and it wasn't a lot of fun. Most of the time the doctors slowed it down for me after two weeks had me going stir crazy. I had a doctor put me on Effexor after I refused Paxil because I had heard how nasty it was to go off it, he conveniently forgot to mention Effexor was just as bad. That one, I ended up breaking open the capsules to go down by grains.

But, YMMV. Yeah, a slower schedule will probably be better for nearly everyone, but how much slower is person and medication specific. I can probably come off most anti-seizures only a little slower than the standard schedule, but it'll probably take me 6 months to come off the anti-psychotics if some other class is invented that is better than them. Switching anti-psychotics though is pretty easy for me, whatever wacky things they are doing to my sleep patterns is pretty standardized so cross titration works fine.
 
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