Anyone here deal with mental illness?

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I think the Seroquel increase might be kicking in. When I spazz out my emotions are as wacky, when there's something sentimental/emotional on TV or in an article I still cry more than usual, but it takes more to get me to that point. Still haven't done my taxes, it's just too overwhelming, but I mailed off an extension form today so now I've got time.

One thing though, at least part of it was situational. Since leaving Target my stress level has dropped and less stress means a more relaxed mind.
 

PassinTime

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I'm not saying I'm Agoraphobic but, I'm having a hard time leaving the house if not for Work.
And it's due to an increasing amount of fear, anxiety and depression.

But Work is a terribly unhealthy atmosphere as well.
Unfortunately depression want to keep you isolated. You need to do the exact opposite...get out of the house.

Is there somewhere you could volunteer? Somewhere that wouldn't cause you to feel anxious like work does?

Keep checking in with us!
 
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Unfortunately depression want to keep you isolated. You need to do the exact opposite...get out of the house.

Is there somewhere you could volunteer? Somewhere that wouldn't cause you to feel anxious like work does?

Keep checking in with us!
Volunteering has its own can of worms of "I have it good compared to the people/animals I'm helping, so it's wrong of me to feel bad" that then leads to feeling even worse due to believing that you just aren't appreciating what you have enough.

Plus sometimes the energy just isn't there. It's not just the brain that's bottomed out, it's the entire body, and pushing it can make things worse. Plus if you can't just push through it, then you've got the whammy of letting down those who depended on you to help.

Get out yes, but also respect your limits. If your limit says "Nope" today, then what's vital is working on a treatment plan that will turn the "Nope" to a "Okay", not trying to willpower it from "Nope" and feeling worse in the end.
 

TTGOz

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I always told people to try and get out, but if they literally cannot bring themselves to do it, do not do it. Little bit at a time. Whenever I'm depressed or very very unmotivated I take baby steps and try to get myself to clean something. Usually my parents might ask if I wanted to go somewhere with them and I would go and feel okay just because I was with them.

Just today, I had a car to detail for my business and along the entire way I was thinking "God, I really don't want to do this. Should I call them and say I'm on the side of the road with a broken control arm?" or something like that. Got to thinking I really need the money, they said they were really excited to have me come out. In the end, I'm glad I did it. I have $130 in my pocket, pictures to post to my page, a new contact for future appointments, and I stopped by to see my mom before she went to work before I got to the car. Played with my dog.

I just moved out of my parent's house for the first time and I moved out with my girlfriend and two friends who are dating and bought a house together and offered to let us move in. The entire time leading up to it I was thinking "God, do I really want to do this?" (not literally preaching to God but you know what I mean) and just thinking of possible outcomes to get me out of doing this. I went through with it. I had a REALLY hard time because my car was broken down(for real this time) and the stresses of moving out for the first time. Didn't help I didn't submit a two weeks or submit for a transfer.. can't drive to work 30+ minutes away with a broken down car. I managed but it was fucking ROUGH.

I cried multiple times because I was missing work, I already missed my mom and dad, I didn't have my dad there anymore on a whim if I ever needed help with anything.. I cried shortly today after I saw my mom today because I really missed my dog and it made me really sad. I went back to visit my dog one more time after business was done and played with her and then let after five or so minutes. Still kind of want to cry, but idk. Stupid things like that. I've found it's really beneficial to just let it out sometimes. I don't cry very often.

it also didn't 100% help when my room-mate/landlord/house owner decided he really wanted to get into the business with me, which I'm fine with, but he doesn't want to do any physical work and only take appointments and phone calls and invest into it.. and he wants 50% of everything I make. That's a big stretch for me, but when I opened up to him about it he got really REALLY pissed at me for telling him. We talked about it again and he says there's three doors I can open with him. 1.) Don't let him in, he's 100% out and "I don't want to hear anything about it, I don't care." 2.) He invests into the business and nothing else "maybe give just some advice but other than that NOTHING" 3.) Let him in for 50% of the take doing phone calls, appointments, and be there for advice, letting me use his car, and stuff like that.

i don't even do three cars a month, and the stuff he wants to do is something I don't need help with. I think 20%-28% would be fine for that, but not 50%. Just moved in a week ago and there's already some drama lol. Everybody's saying I should just let him help for 50% to satisfy him but nobody's telling me "hey it's your business do what you want." in the house. I just don't understand why he can't wait until there's some actual momentum in the company and wants nothing to do with it if I tell him he can't join right now. I don't understand why something like this would happen that would soil a relationship literally just a week after moving in.
 
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Don't give it to him. Point out the opposite - he or his girlfriend give you half of their paychecks forever in exchange for some money up front and their dishes and laundry done, their scheduling kept up to date, and phone messages taken. Just because it's a job where you are your own boss instead of working for another boss doesn't make the paycheck, and other people's claims to it, any different.
 

Black Sheep 214

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What if he had an eye on getting 50% of your business profits when he asked you to move in? Nice deal for him, not so much for you, with him getting 50% of your profits for basically no work and an investment. How much of an investment, and what is his return on it? Sounds like he wants to play Shark Tank with you. Tell him no way. If you need someone to invest in your business, maybe your dad would be interested, or just build your business slower without investments and retain ownership and control of it. Not my call, but I think you would be better off moving back home and saving the rent money to invest in your business since you miss being there, and it sounds like your roomies are putting pressure on you to serve their own best interests ahead of yours. Just saying. Good luck!
 
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What if he had an eye on getting 50% of your business profits when he asked you to move in? Nice deal for him, not so much for you, with him getting 50% of your profits for basically no work and an investment. How much of an investment, and what is his return on it? Sounds like he wants to play Shark Tank with you. Tell him no way. If you need someone to invest in your business, maybe your dad would be interested, or just build your business slower without investments and retain ownership and control of it. Not my call, but I think you would be better off moving back home and saving the rent money to invest in your business since you miss being there, and it sounds like your roomies are putting pressure on you to serve their own best interests ahead of yours. Just saying. Good luck!
Agree. Totally. This fast, it does sound like a set up. I'm sure the living arrangements may be "renegotiated" for the worse when you refuse him. Go home, be happy, you and your paycheck will be far more safe.
 

TTGOz

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Agree. Totally. This fast, it does sound like a set up. I'm sure the living arrangements may be "renegotiated" for the worse when you refuse him. Go home, be happy, you and your paycheck will be far more safe.
We'll see how it all turns out. I have a whole spiel planned out and hopefully giving him a few days allowed those parting thoughts to clear a little and maybe he'll be more understanding. Hes a really nice guy and everyone keeps telling me don't take it personally, which I'm not, but its exactly like you guys said; a setup. He was very vocal about being able to quit his job and do this. I know hes tried entrepreneurial stuff before and failed every time and I get that he wants it.

PS: He also referenced Shark tank when explaining "Door #2". Also told me the only reason why I would ever say no is because I want to be on my own. Fair point, but honestly it just seems like he was more offended that I didnt jump on the idea. He said "you have until Friday to give me your answer"

kk Friday it is
 

pellinore

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As has already been suggested moving back home might be the healthiest thing to do....it won't be a failure on you, instead it will be that YOU are the one in charge.

Part of me wonders if you ought to tell your business partner to be that you'll let him have 50% as long as he gives you 50% off of your rent...see what he says then.

When you give your answer on Friday you can say that you have reconsidered and have decided to keep your business and move out.

Also, if there is already drama going on, you may really want to consider moving back home.
 

pellinore

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OK, I've had a little time to try to adjust to my counsellor leaving. We've scheduled my last session for May 29. I'm still pretty unsure of having to let go.
I have been able to schedule with the person my counsellor has recommended that I go see. There seems to be a bit of an issue.....I've been seeing my counsellor on a weekly basis and the new counsellor says that with his schedule we will only be able to meet every two weeks or so. I'm not sure if this time frame of sessions will be good for me. Right now it is sometimes difficult to go once a week and I can't imagine having to go two weeks (or so) at a time. Even now, part of me thinks that perhaps I just don't start with another counsellor.

Wednesday morning I see my psyche doctor and I'll have to tell him about my counsellor leaving and I know that I'm going to cry. I'm just not handling this very well. I can talk to my doctor about the ECT as an option to consider....I want to know how serious I need to be with considering this treatment.
I don't know what he's going to do with my medicine. My last visit he increased my dosage. I am better but I'm finding that I seem to get emotional really easily and it happens a lot. Maybe being emotional has to do with the counsellor changes....don't know. I just want for things to get everything settled down.

It has now been one year since I first started to realize that something wasn't quite right.....and then with my medicine crash which I thought started in January may actually have happened in December. While December and January are my most difficult months I think that December was worse than normal, not just because of having to adjust to being fired from target, but also I think that my medicine started to crash then. Some of my most stressful appointments with my PCP were in December...I had two major melt down episodes and I think that part of it was the meds crashing. Of course, I can look back at that time now and think that the meds were the problem at that time, but it may really be that it was January when it crashed and all of a sudden I was having very dark self-harming thoughts that felt out of my control. I don't know, I'm just getting to the point that there may not be any real explanation to what has gone on these last 12 months.

Again, I'm getting discouraged and getting very weary of not feeling OK. At this point I am starting to think that I might not feel any better ever again.
 

TTGOz

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Don't give it to him. Point out the opposite - he or his girlfriend give you half of their paychecks forever in exchange for some money up front and their dishes and laundry done, their scheduling kept up to date, and phone messages taken. Just because it's a job where you are your own boss instead of working for another boss doesn't make the paycheck, and other people's claims to it, any different.
didn't read this last night. I've been helping them with stuff around the house, yard work, home projects to improve the house. I've been thinking a lot about it lately when they asked if I could install new door knobs for them and I got to thinking "man, I'm doing a lot for them." and I'm mostly fine with it since I haven't been at work(I resigned) and I need something to do but I've been agreeing to do a lot. One of the downsides to my amazing self is I do things as a nice gesture and end up getting taken advantage of. After all of that, I'm getting told things like "You need to start putting the toilet seat down, DUDE." and I'm just glad my girlfriend vouched for me because I always put the seat down. After I met my girlfriend and went to her house the first time I left the seat up and the entire house of GIRLS got mad at me, it will forever haunt me. Also got told "YOU, you need to start closing doors that aren't suppose to be open." because the cats could get out and I'm like "but I didn't leave any open.." and then her boyfriend(the one I'm talking about) came around the corner and said "don't yell at him it was me that left it open on accident." and that was before the whole drama thing went down lol.

I'm still not regretting this and I can't imagine myself being as drastic as "well this ain't workin out GOING BACK TO MY PARENTS" after just one week. While I do appreciate reasonable suspicion, flat out accusation just maims me a little. I'd work with him on something that is actually our business, but automatically wanting 50/50 partnership on something I've done ALL of the work on and just to have him come in... meh. I need to stand up for myself, but I'm gonna be fair about it and not cause anything extra. I'm not sure if my dad would ever want to invest in my business, he certainly could if he wanted to but that'd always be up to him and I'd never prompt the conversation.

I may use the rent/paycheck thing as a metaphor, maybe something else, but I'm trying to keep it lowkey, no lowballs at each other. It's ridiculous but someone's got to be the bigger man. Everyone knows I'm applying for jobs and they don't seem very deterred from it anymore, told my GF I got an interview for Costco on Thursday and it was all "That works because you will get money and you can work on the business still."

another thing he said while "giving me potential doors to open with him." is he took a shot at me for "sitting on my computer all day working on your website, doing nothing." and it didn't hurt my feelings but how else do I job search? lol. How else do I improve the aesthetics of my business which I just re-branded? What else is there I can do without a job? I help out around the house and just sit down and continue applying to jobs(Indeed says I've applied to 23 jobs and have another 15 saved).

he wants me to give up on job searching and commit 100% to a business that doesn't have a single ounce of work cut out for me since I just moved out of my clientele area. It's a setup, he's trying to move too fast, he isn't considering my wanton need for a job or money, it's even more dare-I-say hypocritical when he told me "Well don't dream too much, man, you start thinking about the possibilities and get caught too far ahead." when he's sitting there getting pissed about the dream of quitting his job for my business in which he wants no physical attribute to and I was apprehensive to the thought.

it's just one big "MEH" right now, I think it will gloss over eventually but I'm really sensitive to human nature being I can tell when someone is trying to take advantage of me, accidentally or not. Happens all of the time, I'm a laid-back, gentle, kind, and care-free kind of guy. I make the mistake of not standing up for myself sometimes and it puts me into a beta-stage where I feel inclined to drop everything and help.
 

TTGOz

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Again, I'm getting discouraged and getting very weary of not feeling OK. At this point I am starting to think that I might not feel any better ever again.
you'll get better. The grass is greener on the other side, but they also say grass is green where it rains.
 
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Reading back to the original post, I'd love to know who "everybody" that's saying to give him the money are. I'm guessing one is his girlfriend. The rest though......they either are frenemies, or they consider your business to just be a hobby and not an actual job.
 

can't touch this

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This one is a bit sketcho if you ask me. It's presented as, but is not, a study, just a few randos writing in very tedious Indian-English (needless filler phrases and repetitions within sentences). Note:

Staphylococcal enterotoxin B (SEB) is a superantigen and can initiate inflammation. Microglial cells in brain fight against these types of inflammation. Vitamin D deficiency affects the inflammatory process in the brain causing exposure of the brain to these vulnerable pathogens.
That's not what "vulnerable" means. Yikes.
 

TTGOz

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Reading back to the original post, I'd love to know who "everybody" that's saying to give him the money are. I'm guessing one is his girlfriend. The rest though......they either are frenemies, or they consider your business to just be a hobby and not an actual job.
just him, his girlfriend, and mine. Things were pretty good today, we hung out and everything "seems" fine and I didn't think to talk about it. I think they would generally agree it's a hobby turned money maker, but I'm assuming you're probably correct. They said along the lines of "Just let him do it with you." like it was nothing. Everyone seems to have mellowed down and it's back to "TTGOz is trying to find a new job first."
 

pellinore

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TTGOz from your first posts it sounded as though you've been at this new place for a little while and now you're clear that this was all in one week. Seems to me that it is way too early to be making judgement calls on "everybody" giving you problems and causing drama. Looks like you might need to relax a bit and chill out. I am wondering why, with just getting established with clientele you've moved out of the area where they were. Does not sound like a good business decision.
 

pellinore

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Saw my psyche doc today. Somehow we had extra time and I was able to tell him a number of things that I've never mentioned before. Based on my appointment and how I've been feeling my doc is concerned that I might end up falling back into the deep depression I've barely moved out of. So, he has increased my Effexor to 225mgs. I'll be seeing him again in six weeks and hopefully then I will feel better or at least not feel worse!
There are a lot of depression symptoms that are reappearing and that has him quite concerned. I'm hoping that my recent symptoms aren't an indication that the Effexor is stopping its effectiveness.

Talked about the ECT treatments and he confirmed that this isn't an "any time soon" option. ECT is an option once all reasonable medicines have been exhausted. So, ECT is just that...an option to be aware of in the future.

One of the things I told my doctor today is that I had finally started feeling like I was steady on my feet but now that steadiness seems to be less steady....also mentioned that I feel (quite often) like I want to go hide in a corner and be protected. So, it does seem that my darker depression might be making a come back....I understand the dose being changed.
I hope that I'm not starting to move backwards....well, the doctor is aware of what is happening so I will trust his judgement.
 

TTGOz

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TTGOz from your first posts it sounded as though you've been at this new place for a little while and now you're clear that this was all in one week. Seems to me that it is way too early to be making judgement calls on "everybody" giving you problems and causing drama. Looks like you might need to relax a bit and chill out. I am wondering why, with just getting established with clientele you've moved out of the area where they were. Does not sound like a good business decision.
It's gonna be hard for sure. No doubt I was over-thinking in the moment, I had the forethought myself. I feel I can rebuild clientele, but I've also been driving back into my old town to do some cars. About a 35-minute drive but worth it in the end.
 
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Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve been feeling a certain way about some things lately:

Some people don’t want you to feel joy or succeed in life / job. Perhaps because it reminds them of their own inadequacies.

Your own joy is something that you have a right to. We shouldn’t have to give ourselves permission to or seek some validation from others to do so. But we do it cause we’re human.

We lose out on opportunities / relationships because we feel unworthy or inadequate. Or perhaps due to fear or anxiety, we don’t act on something we really want.

When I experience something new or positive I often feel the need to check myself. I run a mental checklist in my mind, ruminating over potential scenarios in my head. I feel like I don’t deserve it, or that I will screw it up somehow.

People always say to look on the bright side, and to seize the day, but the mental work to do that everyday is so exhausting. Trying to stay mentally balanced is difficult.

I’m not looking for help with this post, although I would appreciate it. My point is that we put ourselves in such a vicious cycle and it can be very debilitating. I know this isn’t everyone, but this is true for me.
 
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I'm sorry that things aren't going well.

It's kinda tricky, being mentally ill and feeling the need to retreat a bit. Sometimes it's good, taking care of a fragile brain by reducing stress a lot for a day or two, disappearing into that dark cave, and letting the mind heal itself, sorta like resting a sports injury. Sometimes it's bad as the dark cave is not a safe place but a prison and it becomes too overwhelming and frightening to rejoin the world.

2017, I know my doctor worried about that when he put me on FMLA. He wanted to do partial hospitalization, to keep me engaged with the world. He wanted counseling, group counseling, he didn't want me to isolate myself. But I refused, stayed in my home all day, talked to no one but my family, and the reduction in stress from not having to deal with novel information, changing situations, and struggling to understand people's words and actions actually helped heal me.
 
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