Anyone here deal with mental illness?

Amanda Cantwell

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Mar 27, 2017
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I was supposed to do this during this school year. I tried. Last time I got dumped I was in undergrad and I threw myself into school and activities, and I was at my dream college. My friends were great and my profs were great. I had that awe feeling walking into performances constantly..."I get to do this." I loved it. But this year with grad? It was a huge failure. I was basically condemned for having personal issues. I hated everything I was a part of. I've been rejected by guys before, but this was completely devastating. It's the worst my depression has ever been and it's not going away. I don't think I'll ever know the real reason why he left, but now it's left me traumatized for any future relationships. Anyone could just pick up and leave like that.

The plan is once I move for my next job, I'll be getting a counselor there and finding some things I actually WANT to do. I just want to put all of this past me. I just have to last until August 10 or so. (I'm trying to quit before back to school but also...the discount...)

I was told to call the resource number through Target too...I just don't because I hate calling people. But maybe I'll get pushed to my limit there too.
Re: your discount. You can go on LOA for 9 months (12 for education) and keep discount during that time.

Call the number etc— I haven’t but I’ve heard good things and it sounds like from other members on the forum they’re very understanding etc
 

TTGOz

Suitable
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Jul 24, 2016
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I was supposed to do this during this school year. I tried. Last time I got dumped I was in undergrad and I threw myself into school and activities, and I was at my dream college. My friends were great and my profs were great. I had that awe feeling walking into performances constantly..."I get to do this." I loved it. But this year with grad? It was a huge failure. I was basically condemned for having personal issues. I hated everything I was a part of. I've been rejected by guys before, but this was completely devastating. It's the worst my depression has ever been and it's not going away. I don't think I'll ever know the real reason why he left, but now it's left me traumatized for any future relationships. Anyone could just pick up and leave like that.

The plan is once I move for my next job, I'll be getting a counselor there and finding some things I actually WANT to do. I just want to put all of this past me. I just have to last until August 10 or so. (I'm trying to quit before back to school but also...the discount...)

I was told to call the resource number through Target too...I just don't because I hate calling people. But maybe I'll get pushed to my limit there too.
Oops I didn't realize you were dating a guy. Well, in that case, don't let it harm your future potential with another guy. Take the time to mourn the loss and eventually you'll be okay. Take it from me, I just moved out for my very first time three weeks ago and I was utterly stricken with things going wrong one after another. 1.) My car broke down and would not start. 2.) Moving out and being away from family for the first time is scary. 3.) I was jobless.

I cried more than I have in the last few years all in one week. I cried because I missed my parents, I missed my dog, missed my brothers, and I have an awful thought-process when it comes to being away because I want to spend all of the time in the world with them. I know one day my parents will die, my grandparents soon will be laid to rest, my dog is nearing her 13th year of living, and my brothers will be around for a while but one of them seriously struggles with bipolar disease, ADHD, and anger management. I went to visit my mom and cried in my car after because I missed my dog so much, and her.

Eventually all of the emotions started to calm down and I've been a little more content but the thoughts haunt me. I finally found a job at Costco, and my car is fixed entirely. I'm enjoying my new space with my roommates, and enjoying the presence of their cats even though they can't replace my dog. 😂 this all happened in the span of three weeks... heartbreak will take longer, possibly months to heal.. just take it one day at a time. Cry if you need to, yell if you need to, etc.

I've never taken medication for depression and I've heard awful things and good things... I would suggest taking them as ordered by your doctor. I am all too familiar with the shock of everything familiar to me being stricken away. Don't be afraid to ever PM anyone here if you need to talk about anything 1 on 1. My inbox is always open, and so are the other's. Utilize this topic and realize we all struggle and we can help each other.

I've found putting myself in vulnerable situations has made me stronger and better as a person, to each their own but for me I feel better going through these struggles knowing what I can do next time to help it, avoid it, or take it head on.
 

TTGOz

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I should mention that sometimes people will leave you. It's entirely possible he just wasn't feeling it anymore after a while and saved you the pain of being lead on into the abyss. The one thing I've always told myself when bad things happen is "it had to be for the best, right?"

just the other day, I was commissioned to clean someone's car out and shampoo it... I had never done a bad car detail before, and my business page has nothing but five star reviews. I got an email a week later saying how shitty of a job I did and that I apparently damaged something in the car that caused the airbag light to come on. I know I have nothing to do with it but if I want to avoid being sued for not having insurance or not being able to pay in the event they have concrete evidence I did damage their car... I need to do some due diligence. It made me realize perhaps I should purchase liability insurance for my hobby that people pay me to do. I know the example won't relate to anyone here but the message is when problems come up, you learn a lesson about what you can do better next time. In my case, I learned to cover my ass, do my due diligence in checking vehicles before starting, and I probably need insurance.

Maybe a more real life situation was moving out without a job and having bills to pay. Oops, big mistake on my part. Luckily, I got a job ASAP at a place I really wanted to work at so it worked out great for me.
 

band_rules16

Former Wave Master
Joined
Jun 10, 2011
Messages
470
Second, if you didn't finish grad school, take some time off to heal your mind and then go back. School is not a one shot, you fail and you have no second chance.
Words I wish I could tell my advisor. He's basically decided I've blown my chance at this degree and he wouldn't even give me an alternate plan to complete it. I don't think I wanted to come back to this school anyway, so it doesn't matter.

I should mention that sometimes people will leave you. It's entirely possible he just wasn't feeling it anymore after a while and saved you the pain of being lead on into the abyss. The one thing I've always told myself when bad things happen is "it had to be for the best, right?"
The thing is, I won't ever know. I used to be really good at just going on without having to know why some people are terrible or why things happened, but this thing is just eating away at me. I feel like I've tried every distraction I can and have read a million and a half articles. I WANT to feel better and go on. It's not happening and it's driving me insane.

I'll maybe send a PM tomorrow when I've had some sleep.
 
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I didn't know that! My Leader gave me the number but they didn't explain the process, so I assumed the worst (cognitive distortions, am I right?) I might have to take advantage of the counseling, then. At the very least I can get some of my rage off of my chest and hopefully learn some better coping skills. I'm so tired of being miserable all of the time, even for valid reasons. Thank you so much for the clarification!
Life resources hotline tel:877-616-0510
@band_rules16
 

Tessa120

I escaped the asylum!
Joined
Mar 17, 2017
Messages
3,169
He might blow your chances at that college, but how many credits will transfer? And before that, talk to your school's disability office to advocate on your behalf. You never know if the advisor's brother is also mentally ill and he'll be more understanding once he hears what's really going on.
 

band_rules16

Former Wave Master
Joined
Jun 10, 2011
Messages
470
He might blow your chances at that college, but how many credits will transfer? And before that, talk to your school's disability office to advocate on your behalf. You never know if the advisor's brother is also mentally ill and he'll be more understanding once he hears what's really going on.
Some will, the class I failed won't (obviously). But I have no intention of returning to this university, oh, ever.
 
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My advice is more practical than emotional, I guess I'm a fixer.

First, just for the sake of your future mental health, let your doctor tell you when you no longer need medication. Stay compliant until that moment. Mental illness is a nuclear bomb when untreated, it will blow up your life and possibly the lives of those around you. Also, make sure you get a counselor that teaches you the tools to heal yourself, so that you need therapy for months, a year, unlike some folks who see a therapist every year for 20 years.

Second, if you didn't finish grad school, take some time off to heal your mind and then go back. School is not a one shot, you fail and you have no second chance.

Third, get some help in finding a dog that is a good fit, one that can take care of you as a ESA. Shelter folks want successful adoptions, but they likely don't have the experience to tell which dog would just be a good match for your lifestyle and which dog will be there to calm you down or give you happy feelings when despair takes hold.

I can't give any advice for a broken heart.
This is a great idea in theory, but I know my first psychiatrist just kept upping my dosage of my antidepressant and my current one was horrified when that saw I was taking such a high dosage. The whole purpose of Psychiatry is to prescribe drugs so they may just start throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. It really sucks that I feel I often need to beg my doctors for the only thing that currently helps me when I'm really bad (Ativan) because it is considered a "controlled substance". That doesn't matter to me obviously. I'm clearly not using it to get high and they know that. I have a serious problem that may require some assistance in one way or another.
 
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Tessa120

I escaped the asylum!
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Mar 17, 2017
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While there's no bloodwork to say exactly what's wrong in your brain and exactly the perfect match, trial and error is needed for far more conditions than mental illness. People can be put on a heart medicine that just royally screws up the rest of their body, or they can be put on a heart medication that does absolutely nothing for their heart. While there are bad doctors, it's not the system that is wrong, it's the individual doctors. The system works well when people stay compliant and doctors listen to the patients in terms of efficacy and side effects.

Have you had a psychological evaluation to make sure your initial diagnosis is the right diagnosis? Wrong diagnosis is easy during initial treatment, and that leads to wrong treatment protocols. If the Ativan is the only thing that's working, then likely it's simply treating the symptoms rather than the cause, and long term best for you is to confirm or find out exactly what the cause is so that you can be receiving proper treatment in all forms - medication, therapy, group therapy, identifying and reducing triggers, etc.
 

TTGOz

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god bless my new manager.
My grandpa was just placed in "comfort care" because he fell to the ground and ended up in the hospital, and then they found out his prostate cancer has come back and spread throughout his entire body. My brother called me on my lunch and told me my grandpa got a fever last night and everyone's thinking he is gonna pass in the new few days. I talked to my manager about it and she instantly said "take whatever time you need and just call me and let me know what's going on." and I told her I need Sunday off to go see my grandpa with my family and told her I can look for people to cover my shift and she said "Don't even worry about work right now I'll figure it out."

like I know the response at Target would have been the same nearly but she made it seem like it wasn't inconvenient, I don't need to worry, it's not gonna affect my 90-days, and that it's literally no problem if I need to miss a day to see my grandpa and when he eventually passes if I need to take a few days off for the funeral and everything. It's just such a relief knowing I can take time off without being judged for it, told I need to make it up later on, or anything. I plan to try and make up my hours missed anyways but still.

My grandpa was going to go home for the rest of his days but now it sounds like he might just stay at the hospital on morphine and eventually pass comfortably. It's so fucking sad knowing he's going to be drugged up when I go visit him, I hope he's coherent and awake but I don't know. What an amazing man he is. I just feel so sad. I already cried about it two weeks ago when he got put into the hospital because I was already thinking "this is it..." so I guess emotionally I'm prepared but physically and mentally I'm not sure how I'm gonna take this.
 

notfit05

Trainer/ clerical / inbound D.C. / om trainee
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Anyone here try for disability social security ? My partner has applied was denied twice and now appealing with an attorney this time, prior to this appeal she (m2f trans 1 year into transition) had not worked for 3 years was baker acted once due to severe ptsd bi-polar and panic attacks. Now was baker acted again due to the ptsd and bipolar (thoughts flashbacks etc caused an attempted od) main question is I know it’s different for each case but if you did get it or know someone who did how long did it take ? She has bipolar ptsd severe anxiety and panic attacks as well as hiv and two baker act stays listed on her appeal
 

Militantagnostic

Former associate of the Targetti Crime Syndicate
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Anyone here try for disability social security ? My partner has applied was denied twice and now appealing with an attorney this time, prior to this appeal she (m2f trans 1 year into transition) had not worked for 3 years was baker acted once due to severe ptsd bi-polar and panic attacks. Now was baker acted again due to the ptsd and bipolar (thoughts flashbacks etc caused an attempted od) main question is I know it’s different for each case but if you did get it or know someone who did how long did it take ? She has bipolar ptsd severe anxiety and panic attacks as well as hiv and two baker act stays listed on her appeal
My father got it the first time he applied for it surprisingly, he had a mild stroke with some mental impairments but he also has diabetes, high blood pressure, and kidney disease. He had to have it reviewed a year later so make sure you keep tabs and medical records on their condition during whatever time frame they tell you that a review will be done. Make sure all medical records are up to date and ensure that all the supporting records get to SSA. A lot of people do have to go the lawyer route, many years back my step grandfather kept getting denied and my father told him to get a lawyer and he finally was approved.
 

notfit05

Trainer/ clerical / inbound D.C. / om trainee
Joined
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314
My father got it the first time he applied for it surprisingly, he had a mild stroke with some mental impairments but he also has diabetes, high blood pressure, and kidney disease. He had to have it reviewed a year later so make sure you keep tabs and medical records on their condition during whatever time frame they tell you that a review will be done. Make sure all medical records are up to date and ensure that all the supporting records get to SSA. A lot of people do have to go the lawyer route, many years back my step grandfather kept getting denied and my father told him to get a lawyer and he finally was approved.
Hopefully hers is approved this round as I’m trying to transfer to be closer to her parents and her drs ( currently 3-4 hours away . And her approval would make it much more easy to make the move financially as we will be going to a higher cost of living area
 

Militantagnostic

Former associate of the Targetti Crime Syndicate
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Hopefully hers is approved this round as I’m trying to transfer to be closer to her parents and her drs ( currently 3-4 hours away . And her approval would make it much more easy to make the move financially as we will be going to a higher cost of living area
I hope she gets it, it can be a big pain in ass but a good lawyer usually can get it to go through.
 

Tessa120

I escaped the asylum!
Joined
Mar 17, 2017
Messages
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Good luck. I did hear once that two denials is pretty much standard, that getting before a judge is pretty much required to get approval. We applied for my daughter and that's what the SSI worker told us. But she also said that getting approval from the judge is pretty easy if you have a legitimate claim.
 
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My 23 y/o nextdoor neighbor got approved on the first try, no attorney. But the kid is a mess (stands up and passes out, has iv twice a week to rehydrate, ligament issues so wears a collar 24/7). Was also able to get her student loans discharged which I've heard is even more difficult.
 

commiecorvus

Former Signing Ninja
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My grandfather passed away this morning just as I was leaving to see him. My manager has been a real bright spot through all of this and I am eternally grateful for her support.

My deepest condolences for your loss.
 

commiecorvus

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The office my counselor works out of is decent but it goes through front end staff like crazy and they don't have the best software to work with either (I know this because one of my counselors is married to a staff member but anyway.)
I always set up my appointment months out, so I have the same spot.
It works best because I don't drive and am one of the closers at work.
I am willing to admit I made the mistake of not checking but when I came up, they had given my spot away for months.

Once again, new people behind the counter but I've been seeing my counselor for almost five years, same time...
You can consider yourself to be pretty stable then something like this happens and you realize, no, not really.
I actually was thinking I would just not go to therapy at all.
Lucky for me, my counselor and another person jumped on it.
They are trying to fix it so I will get my schedule back.
 
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