Archived Is it appropriate to report a coworker?

[Tessa120]

I can't force her, but I can point out that she is making the ethically wrong choice, and I can point out that people should talk to one another to bridge misunderstandings, not assume the other to be some type of bogeyman and avoid speaking based on that assumption.

 

[seasonaldude]

I can't force her, but I can point out that she is making the ethically wrong choice, and I can point out that people should talk to one another to bridge misunderstandings, not assume the other to be some type of bogeyman and avoid speaking based on that assumption.

But, the other is some sort of bogeyman. Have you not read Sartre? Hell is other people.

 

[Bufferine]

Maybe I'm giving HR too much credit here, but I doubt that'd happen unless multiple people all complained about the guy.

Despite being a guy, I'm very much pro-female-rights. I do not think it is a woman's responsibility to dress modestly, and that if she doesn't she's "asking for it", or any other macho nonsense. But at the same time, if I had a female employee tell me a male employee was looking at her in a way which made her uncomfortable there's no way my first step would be to fire him.

Grab her ass? Fired.
Make a crude joke? Probably not fired, unless repeated after being asked (either by her, or by me after being reported by her) to knock it off.
Staring? Definitely not fired unless this is something that has been shown to be a pattern. I'd just speak with him, and either tell him that a female employee isn't comfortable with the way he leers at them and would appreciate it if he'd stop doing so, or I'd state that I witnessed the leering myself and didn't feel it was appropriate if she wanted to make sure she wasn't harassed further as a repercussion of complaining.
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What the fuck dude. Is not the way she dresses. If she feels uncomfortable thats her right and no one should have to feel that way at work. The way u put is is like its her falt its not. Men need to respect women's boundaries. Anyone of any gender should be allowed to dress how they feel and not feel violated because someone keeps staring at them.

If you don’t want to be looked at like a sex object then don’t dress like one.

 

[Tessa120]

There are men out there that think seeing the ankles means the woman is dressing provocatively. Men who say a woman's manner of dress means she's asking for it are also blaming the woman for exciting their lust, that men have no control over their lust so it's all her fault that they do what they do, she didn't dress or act right and he had no means of stopping himself.

Pretty sick that you believe that, that a guy's lust is beyond his ability to control and therefore it's up to the women around him to control it and deflect it, and all their fault if they don't do so and he acts on it.

Doesn't matter if it's a flash of the ankles, smiling the wrong way while playing with her hair, seeing the belly button, or being on a nudist beach. Guys can certainly control their eyeballs, tongues, hands and dicks, and shouldn't be putting any of those on a woman when she says she's not interested.

 

[Aredhel]

We can theorize but it’s ultimately up to the op to deal with. I recommend being direct. If he gets flirty say “not available “. Then ignore the guy. Generally that works. The front is drenched in surveillance as is the break room.
That could be useful. Good luck.

 

[Ringwraith917]

There are men out there that think seeing the ankles means the woman is dressing provocatively. Men who say a woman's manner of dress means she's asking for it are also blaming the woman for exciting their lust, that men have no control over their lust so it's all her fault that they do what they do, she didn't dress or act right and he had no means of stopping himself.

Pretty sick that you believe that, that a guy's lust is beyond his ability to control and therefore it's up to the women around him to control it and deflect it, and all their fault if they don't do so and he acts on it.

Doesn't matter if it's a flash of the ankles, smiling the wrong way while playing with her hair, seeing the belly button, or being on a nudist beach. Guys can certainly control their eyeballs, tongues, hands and dicks, and shouldn't be putting any of those on a woman when she says she's not interested.

Given the whole of human history, I'd venture to say that a man's lust really is harder to control than a woman's, or that men experience lust more frequently. If the latter is true, then assuming the same degree of control between male and female, the total number of tests of that control would be greater for men, thus resulting in a greater total number of failures to control, vs female, while the percent of failures remains equal.

 

[Captain Orca]

If it's just an eyeball, "hey Buck, keep your eyes to yourself, zone your toothpaste and get back to work, got it"? If a lady said that to me I'd be totally embarrassed . I have a newly married daughter and stuff like that doesn't fly. DIRECT ORDER FROM THE CAPTAIN.

 

[Nauzhror]

There are men out there that think seeing the ankles means the woman is dressing provocatively. Men who say a woman's manner of dress means she's asking for it are also blaming the woman for exciting their lust, that men have no control over their lust so it's all her fault that they do what they do, she didn't dress or act right and he had no means of stopping himself.

Pretty sick that you believe that, that a guy's lust is beyond his ability to control and therefore it's up to the women around him to control it and deflect it, and all their fault if they don't do so and he acts on it.

Doesn't matter if it's a flash of the ankles, smiling the wrong way while playing with her hair, seeing the belly button, or being on a nudist beach. Guys can certainly control their eyeballs, tongues, hands and dicks, and shouldn't be putting any of those on a woman when she says she's not interested.

I agree with everything except the eyes part. You don't put your eyes on someone like you do the others, and admiring a beautiful woman isn't giving in to lust and acting rashly IMO.

Dressing provocatively is asking to be looked at and admired. It is not asking to be groped.

 

[Nauzhror]

Given the whole of human history, I'd venture to say that a man's lust really is harder to control than a woman's, or that men experience lust more frequently. If the latter is true, then assuming the same degree of control between male and female, the total number of tests of that control would be greater for men, thus resulting in a greater total number of failures to control, vs female, while the percent of failures remains equal.

None of that is relevant. It is still a man's responsibility to control his urges. Just because you think men fail at doing so more frequently than women do doesn't make it become another of women's responsibilities.

 

[Megatron91]

If you don’t want to be looked at like a sex object then don’t dress like one.

So a girl cant dress comfortable? Damn your dense. All a woman as to do is show up and she will be objectified as a sexual object. Why not teach men manner on how to respect women and stop blaming the girl.

 

[Captain Orca]

Respect and discipline and professional behavior is a must in any business. Retail, office environment, medicine (my daughter), anything, anywhere and anytime these cretins have to learn to behave. No excuses...period. The Captain has spoken.

 

[Tessa120]

I agree with everything except the eyes part. You don't put your eyes on someone like you do the others, and admiring a beautiful woman isn't giving in to lust and acting rashly IMO.

Dressing provocatively is asking to be looked at and admired. It is not asking to be groped.

You can most certainly control where your eyeballs are pointed and not look at some women's ass so long she realizes it and becomes uncomfortable because of the length of the stare. Be discreet.

 

[Megatron91]

Respect and discipline and professional behavior is a must in any business. Retail, office environment, medicine (my daughter), anything, anywhere and anytime these cretins have to learn to behave. No excuses...period. The Captain has spoken.

I agree with the Captain. Men need to learn women are not objects. And to respect them.

 

[Nauzhror]

You can most certainly control where your eyeballs are pointed and not look at some women's ass so long she realizes it and becomes uncomfortable because of the length of the stare. Be discreet.

You're making a strawman argument. I never suggested men can't control their eyes. I only disagree with the equivocation of looking at a woman and admiring her beauty with that of inappropriately touching her.

 

[Tessa120]

It's like the difference between a handshake and a caress during the handshake. Be discreet, don't stare too long.

 

[Kartman]

OH, THE DRAMA!!!

 

[Kielbasa]

Good grief. It's not a woman's job to teach men to not stare at her. Report!