Manager being weird, any adivce?

Joined
Jan 5, 2019
Messages
1
#1
Okay so I've been working here for around 6 mos and I have come to enjoy my manager as an aquantince/friend and THATS IT. Well the other day he pulls me aside and tells me that he apparently got told by a "leader" high above him that he has been playing favoritism with me and now he cant talk/text me which annoys me in so many ways especially due to the fact that that now he treats me worse than a stranger. He ignores me and ignores my texts about work. YALL ITS WORK RELATED. Idk what to do. I'm starting to feel like I'm the bad person in this situation. Idk if hes telling me this because he has feelings and doesn't want to overstep or if he thinks I'm over stepping or what. It's a nightmare at the moment.
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
606
#2
Okay so I've been working here for around 6 mos and I have come to enjoy my manager as an aquantince/friend and THATS IT. Well the other day he pulls me aside and tells me that he apparently got told by a "leader" high above him that he has been playing favoritism with me and now he cant talk/text me which annoys me in so many ways especially due to the fact that that now he treats me worse than a stranger. He ignores me and ignores my texts about work. YALL ITS WORK RELATED. Idk what to do. I'm starting to feel like I'm the bad person in this situation. Idk if hes telling me this because he has feelings and doesn't want to overstep or if he thinks I'm over stepping or what. It's a nightmare at the moment.
First of all if he or you are off the clock you can not text him or him text you under no circumstances, he could get fired if he replies and so can you. And if he was told by a etl because that would be above him means he just got a warning. You never know who saw you guys texting to each other or you guys told someone that you’ve been texting each other but both of you can get fired for working off the clock. And if he has feelings he should be smart enough and not act on it as that would get him fired too.
 
Joined
Nov 29, 2018
Messages
41
#5
He could have made the story up... nobody would know you were texting unless one or the other ran your mouth.

But yeah he could get fired and so could you because clearly you’re in an emotional state which highly signifies to me that YOU have feelings that go far beyond just a boss / subordinate relationship...

He clearly values his job more than pursuing that unless he made the situation up as a means to separate himself from you. But if he’s going that far in the opposite direction of your previous relationship, chances are he did get talked to and is overcompensating to make it clear to anyone watching that nothing is going on.

Like my dad always said... never stick your dick in the cash register... you never know when the drawer is going to slam shut.
 
Joined
Jan 4, 2018
Messages
779
#9
I was in the same boat as you a GSA that I’m friends with was accused of favoritism by one of our TLs before I was a GSA but the whole thing kind of blew over. We just try to keep it professional at work.
 
Joined
Jul 31, 2017
Messages
206
#12
This all seems a bit extreme to me... we're all human and when we work side by side with people every day we're going to develop friendships. Of course superiors showing favoritism is a problem and has to addressed. But if they want to fire me for texting my coworker "how was work?" off the clock, then fine, fire me.

Target won't find an endless supply of workers who care about their store, work hard, and give great guest service... but also don't ever start to care about their coworkers.
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
606
#13
This all seems a bit extreme to me... we're all human and when we work side by side with people every day we're going to develop friendships. Of course superiors showing favoritism is a problem and has to addressed. But if they want to fire me for texting my coworker "how was work?" off the clock, then fine, fire me.

Target won't find an endless supply of workers who care about their store, work hard, and give great guest service... but also don't ever start to care about their coworkers.
It might be extreme, but by the op message she obviously has feelings or at least a crush to think that just because he told her something now it’s like a “ nightmare “.
 
Joined
Mar 17, 2017
Messages
1,870
#14
Y'all have a lot of good points.

First, OP -

Okay so I've been working here for around 6 mos and I have come to enjoy my manager as an aquantince/friend and THATS IT. Well the other day he pulls me aside and tells me that he apparently got told by a "leader" high above him that he has been playing favoritism with me and now he cant talk/text me
Have you ever heard the term "fraternization"? It's wrong on so many levels for a manager to have a personal relationship with a subordinate. There's risk that the subordinate feels a little pressure to get closer than they want to keep the job. There's risk that whether on purpose or subconsciously the subordinate is favored. And if there's a falling out, there's a risk of retaliation on either side or the creation of a hostile work environment. It's not supposed to happen at all in the first place, but when it does start to happen it has to be nipped in the bud for the sake of both manager and subordinate, coworkers, and the business' legal protections. Wrong, wrong and wrong. Best rule of thumb for handling fraternization is one party quits as soon as a personal relationship starts to develop.

which annoys me in so many ways especially due to the fact that that now he treats me worse than a stranger. He ignores me and ignores my texts about work. YALL ITS WORK RELATED. Idk what to do.
Creepy stalkerish much? You are definitely expressing that you feel scorned, and that you are mad he won't put you above his job, and that you believe you should be an important part of his life even though he doesn't want you in it and you are forcing yourself into his life.

I'm starting to feel like I'm the bad person in this situation. <snip> It's a nightmare at the moment.
He told you to stop. You are ignoring his words, you are ignoring his desire that you back off, you are not stopping. How is it any different than the ex that won't go away, the ex that calls the workplace constantly and texts constantly and hassles friends/dates in order to force their way back into a person's life? Um, none. Maybe the difference of platonic vs. romantic, but none.

And the way you are acting, you are causing harassment and a hostile work environment to him. You are violating federal laws concerning creating a hostile place to work. I hope your leadership wises up and fires you before it crosses the line into a lawsuit. I hope your TL wises up and changes his phone number.

Bottom line, own up that you are acting like a creepy stalker and stop trying to force yourself on him. He said stop, stop acting creepy stalkerish and just back off like he wants.

First of all if he or you are off the clock you can not text him or him text you under no circumstances, he could get fired if he replies and so can you. And if he was told by a etl because that would be above him means he just got a warning. You never know who saw you guys texting to each other or you guys told someone that you’ve been texting each other but both of you can get fired for working off the clock. And if he has feelings he should be smart enough and not act on it as that would get him fired too.
Yep, no work off the clock, and that includes texts. Working off the clock is illegal under both federal and all states' law. Work is work, off is off.

And I worked for a company where the corporate lawyers would come by once a year to give a presentation on workplace laws, they said legally that if you do any work on your personal phone, even just texting someone about showing up late or a reminder, then legally the employer can demand your phone and look at everything on it because it has workplace information/material on it. So really think about all those texts you are sending and all else that you have put on your phone and Target having legal easy access to it.

He could have made the story up... nobody would know you were texting unless one or the other ran your mouth.

But yeah he could get fired and so could you because clearly you’re in an emotional state which highly signifies to me that YOU have feelings that go far beyond just a boss / subordinate relationship...

He clearly values his job more than pursuing that unless he made the situation up as a means to separate himself from you. But if he’s going that far in the opposite direction of your previous relationship, chances are he did get talked to and is overcompensating to make it clear to anyone watching that nothing is going on.

Like my dad always said... never stick your dick in the cash register... you never know when the drawer is going to slam shut.
You're right @Not My Name , he could have lied about leadership telling him that. If he did though, creepy stalkerish applies even more. He willingly wants to back away from the OP and the OP is working double time to force his/her way into the life of someone who said "Back off, leave me alone".

I say let the crush die , don’t shit where you eat. Then you won’t have a place to shit
I'd disagree and say that you would have plenty of places to shit but you lose the place to eat. If the bread goes away because the TL didn't listen to his boss then the TL can't buy food.

This all seems a bit extreme to me... we're all human and when we work side by side with people every day we're going to develop friendships. Of course superiors showing favoritism is a problem and has to addressed. But if they want to fire me for texting my coworker "how was work?" off the clock, then fine, fire me.
@HiddenPenguin , you are overlooking that the TL made a choice, told the OP that the choice was to sever the personal relationship and the OP is ignoring the TL's desire. This isn't a post about two people wanting to make it work outside of the workplace, it's about one making the choice to stop and the other person not accepting the decision.
 
Joined
Nov 20, 2018
Messages
88
#16
THIS is one of the things I've always found bizarre about Target

We're not the secret service.

Target seems to promote disorientation with people one works with and it makes NO sense except that Target wants to hide their little Target tail away from lawsuits, which people seem to keep attorneys well furnished in (not Target, just generally you can look up a lawyer and if there's a precedent, sue).

For ME, I'm just at Target for supplemental income but as a full time career, I think it's secularzation and breeds ill will.

I don't like MANY of Target's "cult like' ways.

Just my opinion.
 

Humble TL

Timers Please!
Joined
Apr 30, 2017
Messages
1,819
#17
If this relationship is strictly professional in nature. Then thats how you should approach it. The texting was clearly unacceptable to someone, and the fact you were texting became known to others. In the interest of drama free work place and gainful employment , let it go.
As for the TLs indifference towards you, thats how it should be.
 
Joined
Mar 17, 2017
Messages
1,870
#18
@Tessa120 My response was aimed more at the broad statements made by allnew2 and Amanda Cantwell, not at the OP's specific situation.
@HiddenPenguin , in general and not specific to the OP, fraternization is so much of a legal and personal minefield that most companies forbid it. And in general/not specific to the OP, talking about work can be considered working off the clock, which is a big legal no-no. Texting your equal paygrade level coworker about meeting at a restaurant after work is a complete non-issue. Texting your immediate supervisor to ask where the 5 carts of reshop should be hidden is working off the clock, and texting your immediate supervisor about getting together for weekend plans is fraternization. And fraternization often leads to preferential treatment, implied or direct coercion, hostile workplace (both for the parties involved and how the non-favorites are treated), ability to affect employment records (both parties and/or non-favorites) and many other negatives...which is why most companies forbid it and require one person either be transferred or resign in order for the people to continue their employment.
 
Joined
Dec 9, 2018
Messages
3
#19
Is the no texting thing a legit 100% rule? One of the GSTLs asked for my number to be able to call and offer me a shift when there is a call out. The GSTL did text me once to ask me to come in and I replied. That is acceptable right?
 

Amanda Cantwell

Guest Service & Photo
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
2,869
#20
Is the no texting thing a legit 100% rule? One of the GSTLs asked for my number to be able to call and offer me a shift when there is a call out. The GSTL did text me once to ask me to come in and I replied. That is acceptable right?
yes. the only time off the clock calls/texts are ok are for scheduling purposes
 
Joined
Nov 30, 2015
Messages
621
#21
You’re not allowed to have TLs numbers as someone who works under them for exactly this reason. According to policy he shouldn’t have been texting or talking to you outside of work for exactly the reasons he told you- leads to people thinking there’s favoritism, and it puts both his ass and yours on the line for improper conduct. Even if the texts were about work, if they happened off the clock punch corrections should have been done for them because otherwise it’s working off the clock, which you’re not supposed to do. He’s distancing himself to cover his ass. You should distance yourself too if you want to keep the job. He has let you know why he’s stopped interacting the way he did before and you need to respect the boundaries he has set. Continuing to try to get him to interact with you as anything more than the TL role he’s in is absolutely overstepping your boundaries.
 
Joined
Nov 11, 2015
Messages
209
#23
TLs can't have TMs numbers? There are like 3 TLs dating TMs in my store and all the ETLs know about it lol. I thought it was ETLs cannot communicate with TMs outside of work but, TLs were ok. Unless my store is just one big dating spot. Valentine's Day is coming up. Maybe I should get in on some of the action. I can't wait to buy myself chocolates!
 

TTGOz

"Suit"-able
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
1,941
#24
I'd like to think this wasn't related to texting at all, more so another TM or a few others noticed this sort of "favoritism" coming from the team leader to you.

He doesn't want his team feeling that way, and maybe agrees with them he's shown you favoritism. As a by-product of this, he says he has to stop talking to you outside of work.
 

REDcardJJ

Service and Engagement Advocate/GSA
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
1,298
#25
i have my GSTL's phone number because it's easier for him to text me when they need me to come in early than it is to get off stage and call me from a store phone

sounds like something else was happening with OP....
 
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