Super Target armed security

Sep 20, 2017
Hello everyone, and I sincerely hope that each and every one of you loyal Target employees are having a great week. This night, I would like to introduce a new business proposition pertaining to the security and well-being of all Target and Super Target stores throughout the United States and beyond. This proposition urges those in power to authenticate and aid the propositions commencement in arming, and systematically positioning “SPO2” security units throughout each and every affiliate of this purpose for the betterment of not only the merchandised sake, but for the sake of a safe, protected Target community.
I am AClockworkOrange, and I am the architect of SPO2 units. A SPO2-TM, with its name derived from the stores mascot named Spot, is a trained combative official that serves and protects all employees and guests from robberies, terrorist-attacks/mass-shootings, and suchlike. SPO2s or SPO2-TMs are armed with Red AR-15 sporting rifles [strapped to the users back], a Glock 17 handgun [holstered at the waist], two multi-tool purpose knives, and a taser. They will patrol the store, investigate, interrogate whenever needed, and will systematically interact and conclude any kind of threat that encroaches the perimeter of the Shopping Center.

Title: Target Armament - Declaration of Control and Integrity

Prerequisites: -10 Hours of range training with provided weaponry, -a High School diploma or higher

Roles: Patroling and ensuring that the safety of the store is monitored and maintained under ordinance of the store— must enforce authoritativeness, must investigate and situate altercations/problematic situations, and address threats and/or armed threats that tamper with the safety of the store and eliminate the threat/s by any means necessarily.

WARNING: If you feel as if you cannot wield or holster a weapon of any sorts, and you lack competency with a firearm, DO NOT apply for this position!

Quick Q’a and A’s,
Q-Can fugitives apply for this position?
A-Only if served for less than 10 years for a charge that wasn’t a weapons charge.

Q-Do you have to be buff and tall to apply?
A-No. If you are however handicapped as a paraplegic, you cannot apply for this situation. Wheelchairs and guns do not mix.

Q-What’s the dress code or uniform?
A- Khaki Combat Battle Dress Uniform pants (BDUs) provided by Rothco, A black long sleeved garment and a black hat. A bulletproof vest will be provided. No skinny jeans are allowed! DO NOT WEAR THEM!

Q-Can breakroom users apply for this position?
A- No. All applicants will be IP searched of any affiliation to this site, any sketchy sites and suchlike.

Q-How many SPO2s are deployed at one store at a given time?
A- During the holidays.. around three to four; for normal days, one to two.

Q-Can we replace the given guns with our own guns?
A- Only if they’re spray-painted red, and are a caliber no bigger than 5.56 NATO.
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Hardlines TM
May 29, 2017
In general I don’t think armed security at high-risk stores is a bad thing, at least being armed with a taser. Some stores have massive fights and even shootings sometimes. An AR-15 is definitely a bit much. I would prefer maybe a taser and if a seriously high risk store, a pistol, but only if they have police background.


Deputy Sheriff - Former AP Team Leader
Jul 2, 2015
All jokes aside I’d be okay with having an armed security position at Target, but only high risk stores, and only a handgun. Anything else is overkill and sends the wrong message.
Aug 19, 2013
Holy crap is this idea stupid. Risk vs reward is not worth it.

a) Retailers have insurance for losses due to robbery. Someone robs a till? Don't escalate the situation, let the guy run and let the police handle it. If the money isn't recovered, file a claim and get most of it back anyways.
b) Now flip the situation. Armed guard pulls a gun, robber gets spooked and shoots the cashier or a bystander. Family sues, and Spot loses millions in settlements and bad press.

There's a reason most businesses tell their employees to just cooperate during robberies. Losing a few (insured) grand is just a drop compared to the potential losses if the situation is escalated.

If I was planning to execute a mass shooting, all this would do is tell me who to kill first. "Oh look, a dude in knockoff BDUs and a bright red weapon strapped to his back! Might as well paint a bullseye on him!"

And fucking lol at only 10 hours of range training. Are you fucking serious? You expect someone to be fully trained in combat tactics, threat evaluation, and interrogation in just 10 hours?