I’m tired and not sure what to do

Jan 27, 2024
Life’s been very rough for me in and outside of work and won’t go into visceral detail. I get bullied at work and the people on my team and departments know how to make me feel bad by what they say, do, or intentionally act around me. Work resources and outside resources have been no help and put an emphasis on “things will get better”. Which has only made me feel more less than worthless, a feeling and thought I’ve had for a while recently. This isn’t my only job and it’s fairly common for me in a retail/service job to get belittled or even more likely get bullied to give my paycheck to another person I work with. I feel this pressure is why I don’t complain and still go to work with confidence. I want things to get better and my solution is simple, but it does feel like I’m not worth it. Like I really am useless and worthless. Where it stands now, my paycheck basically goes to someone else and I feel that they deserve it more than I do.
I go to work soon in a bit. A lot of conflicting emotions everyday. To me, running away only makes things worse. I’ve left on some occasions worrying about my safety and feeling threatened only to be reprimanded by team leads and more rumors and hostility escalating in the various departments I work in. I want to work so I can give my money to someone else that I value as a “friend”. The people I work with are more tightly-knit than I am
from day 1 and know how to avoid getting in trouble and lie about being concerned for me. Which was never my intent I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, I just want things to be normal again. I try my best only for some days to be harder than others. They know in passing how to talk to me and react to certain situations to make me uncomfortable and feel like I’m trash. Depending on what happens today I want to put my mind at ease for a bit or the situation at work gets worse today. I’m optimistic things get better but I feel that’s never the case no matter how hard I try to believe or tell myself that.
Toxic positivity management style in Target Corp is exhausting. That's why our tiny target has a 77.7% TM turnover. Onlye tm s to make the recognition board raffle are the ones working 2-3 days a week and perform 1 task. Those of us on 5 days 8 hours and multi/float/ available at a walkie call to back up anywhere are ignored. It truly is a paycheck to paycheck job.