Tl has no boundaries. Want them to stop, don’t want them to get in trouble. Advice?

[reeeeeeee1345]

I have a TL who is very touchy feely. In the past month, they have done the following all on a near daily basis:

Swinging their arm around my shoulder, getting very close to my face. Grabbing my upper arm and wrists in nearly every interaction, shaking me by the shoulders, leaning on me and over me when I’m crouching down, biting me multiple times on my neck, raising her hands threatening to hit me, ACTUALLY hitting me, on the back, chest, shoulder, and backside. They have done this in front of customers and co-workers. It’s gotten to the point where I almost have anxiety attacks because of it. They’ve talked (jokingly) about how they’ve bitten other coworkers before ( and how it led to said coworkers quitting). I took this as a joke at first but now as the behavior escalates, I’m seeing it’s anything but. Asking politely does not work, they do not have boundaries.



I hold no ill will against this TL. I like working with them when they aren’t harassing me, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared to bring it to my ETL because I don’t want to face retaliation, or get them in trouble. I just want them to stop. I’ve been thinking of even asking for a transfer because I don’t want to cause any trouble by reporting it. I’ve never had someone treat me like this at work and I don’t know how to navigate it. There’s so much uncertainty. Any info/advice is very appreciated.

 

[sunnydays]

because I don’t want any conflict.

the conflict is already happening. you are literally being assaulted and this person should be fired

 

[Hardlinesmaster]

I have a TL who is very touchy feely. In the past month, they have done the following all on a near daily basis:

Swinging their arm around my shoulder, getting very close to my face. Grabbing my upper arm and wrists in nearly every interaction, shaking me by the shoulders, leaning on me and over me when I’m crouching down, biting me multiple times on my neck, raising her hands threatening to hit me, ACTUALLY hitting me, on the back, chest, shoulder, and backside. They have done this in front of customers and co-workers. It’s gotten to the point where I almost have anxiety attacks because of it. They’ve talked (jokingly) about how they’ve bitten other coworkers before ( and how it led to said coworkers quitting). I took this as a joke at first but now as the behavior escalates, I’m seeing it’s anything but. Asking politely does not work, they do not have boundaries.



I hold no ill will against this TL. I like working with them when they aren’t harassing me, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared to bring it to my ETL because I don’t want to face retaliation, or get them in trouble. I just want them to stop. I’ve been thinking of even asking for a transfer because I don’t want to cause any trouble by reporting it. I’ve never had someone treat me like this at work and I don’t know how to navigate it. There’s so much uncertainty. Any info/advice is very appreciated.

Report the last event to your sd, etl, etl hr now.

 

[seasonaldude]

HR NOW! GO TO HR!

That is not alright and your TL should be in trouble. If it were me, I wouldn't go to HR. I'd report it on Origami because biting is a TM safety issue. That will send an email to your SD, every ETL and AP because AP owns safety. It will also go to the APBP, which will help get around any store level politics.

But, let me repeat, This is not alright. Do not worry about getting the TL in trouble. No one, including you, should have to put up with harrassment at work. Please report this so you are the last TM who has to put up with this and not just another in a string of victims.

 

[Ashfromoldsite]

I’ve actually told this person to back off multiple times. Verbally, and non verbally. I will say “no” put my hands up, say “personal space please”, remove their arm (but they typically just go back to doing it in less than a second.) and when I walk back from them they get super close and in my personal space so I can’t avoid them. I’ve said “it makes me uncomfortable”, “please stop”, tried to distract them by suggesting we work instead, and it barely even keeps them away. They just do what they want when they want, regardless of what I say. My demeanor and body language is basically screaming “NO” even When I’m not verbally communicating it. I don’t want to be forward because I don’t want any conflict. As other users suggested though, I will be taking this to my ETL and seeing if maybe we don’t have to work the same schedule, or I can be transferred to a different department until she learns some manners.

Edit: a word

Go to hr, not your etl. This is serious. Your etl won’t be as trained in the seriousness of this, won’t have the experience in dealing with this. And will probably screw it up. Go to HR!

 

[SilentCrow]

HR immediately. Loop your ETL in if possible as well. This isn’t something you just let go by.

 

[FlowTeamChick]

Any update, @reeeeeeee1345 ?
Your TL's behavior is in absolutely no way at all acceptable and I hope it's stopped completely.
When someone has no boundaries, it's up to us to set them - which you did and which the TL still crosses. I appreciate that you don't want to cause trouble. But it's not YOU causing the trouble, it's your TL and their lack of respect for you. It sounds like you think you're asking too much for your TL to keep their hands (and teeth - gross, just a great big "ew") off your body. No. Just no. Your TL doesn't need to touch you at all, ever, in any place, for them to supervise you and for you to do your job effectively.

 

[kainswor9170]

I'll leave it to someone more eloquent

Excuse me sir or Madam. If you would be so kind as to stop touching me. It would be greatly appreciated. Sexual harassment lawsuits are ever so expensive. Should you decide to even lift but a finger towards me again. The consequences will be most DIRE. I would hate to have to hit you over the head with my zebra, gut you like a fish with my box cutter, and then strangle you to death with your own intestines. But further unwanted contact will force me to take drastic measures.

The mess it would create would be most dreadful. And your screams would surely disrupt our valued guests shopping experiences. I shall henceforth give ONE and only ONE warning. If you EVER DARE lay a hand on me again. I will make you experience levels of agony and despair so gut wrenchingly painful that you'll WISH a complaint to HR is all you had to deal with.

The suffering you will know will be endless. And it will be extended not only to you but your entire family. A curse will be placed on you and everyone you've ever loved. You'll be forced to relive the traumatic memories you gave each and every one of your victims when you took advantage of them. Those memories will haunt you in your sleep. You'll lie awake at night restless unable to fend off the nightmares.

Or you could remove your hand. And we could go back to work and act like adults who have some professionalism. So Good Day to you sir. I SAID GOOD DAY.

That's about as eloquent as I could think to put it.

 

[BurgerBob]

I'll leave it to someone more eloquent


BUT WHY THE F*CK IS YOUR TL BITING YOU ON THE NECK ! THAT'S SOME EXTREAMLY INAPPROPRIATE NESS.



Im so sorry you have to deal with that behavior in that power dynamoc

That's some sexual harrasment level shit and shouldn't be occuring at all fullstop

 

[Captain Orca]

What HLM just said. Biting? very strange. Sounds psychotic.

 

[commiecorvus]

I have a TL who is very touchy feely. In the past month, they have done the following all on a near daily basis:

Swinging their arm around my shoulder, getting very close to my face. Grabbing my upper arm and wrists in nearly every interaction, shaking me by the shoulders, leaning on me and over me when I’m crouching down, biting me multiple times on my neck, raising her hands threatening to hit me, ACTUALLY hitting me, on the back, chest, shoulder, and backside. They have done this in front of customers and co-workers. It’s gotten to the point where I almost have anxiety attacks because of it. They’ve talked (jokingly) about how they’ve bitten other coworkers before ( and how it led to said coworkers quitting). I took this as a joke at first but now as the behavior escalates, I’m seeing it’s anything but. Asking politely does not work, they do not have boundaries.



I hold no ill will against this TL. I like working with them when they aren’t harassing me, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared to bring it to my ETL because I don’t want to face retaliation, or get them in trouble. I just want them to stop. I’ve been thinking of even asking for a transfer because I don’t want to cause any trouble by reporting it. I’ve never had someone treat me like this at work and I don’t know how to navigate it. There’s so much uncertainty. Any info/advice is very appreciated.

Back in the 80's, early 90's, when I ran brigades in big commercial kitchens everybody played grabass all the time.
Not when it was really busy of course but afterwards when everybody was letting all the pressure off or before when you were getting things stocked, it was so common as to be the norm.
If you felt uncomfortable people would just tell you that's just how it is and not to take it personally.

Kinds glad things don't work that way anymore.
It wasn't a good thing then and it's not a good thing now.
There was always one or two people who took advantage and would push things to a point where they would have to get smacked.
Though it was usually a guy.

The folks who have suggested that you go to HR have got it right but it sounds like you don't want to get them in trouble.
So ultimately you are going to have to smack them, figuratively at least.
The next time she does something that makes you uncomfortable, step away from her, raise your hand palm out and say in a loud, clear voice.
"I have asked you to stop doing that. Please do not do it again."
Then ask, "Do you understand me?"
It will be an uncomfortable situation but you will be making yourself clear and she will have no excuse for doing it ever again.
You will have set your boundaries.
And if she does do it again, reporting her will be really easy.

 

[The Dude Abides]

I had a team lead like that way back in the day. I went to my team lead who brought in HR and talked to him about it. After that he slapped me on the back and said "so I heard you don't like when I do that?" I smacked his hand away and said very bluntly "if you touch me again I'm going to beat your fucking ass." That stopped the behavior and he was let go shortly thereafter for doing the same thing to another team member.

 

[Captain Orca]

Touch me one more time and I will break your wrist, do I make myself perfectly clear?

 

[BurgerBob]

The eloquence brigade has arrived with the actual advices. I like it. Picasso

 

[reeeeeeee1345]

Touch me one more time and I will break your wrist, do I make myself perfectly clear?

I’ve actually told this person to back off multiple times. Verbally, and non verbally. I will say “no” put my hands up, say “personal space please”, remove their arm (but they typically just go back to doing it in less than a second.) and when I walk back from them they get super close and in my personal space so I can’t avoid them. I’ve said “it makes me uncomfortable”, “please stop”, tried to distract them by suggesting we work instead, and it barely even keeps them away. They just do what they want when they want, regardless of what I say. My demeanor and body language is basically screaming “NO” even When I’m not verbally communicating it. I don’t want to be forward because I don’t want any conflict. As other users suggested though, I will be taking this to my ETL and seeing if maybe we don’t have to work the same schedule, or I can be transferred to a different department until she learns some manners.

Edit: a word

 

[BurgerBob]

I’ve actually told this person to back off multiple times. Verbally, and non verbally. I will say “no” put my hands up, say “personal space please”, remove their arm (but they typically just go back to doing it in less than a second.) and when I walk back from them they get super close and in my personal space so I can’t avoid them. I’ve said “it makes me uncomfortable”, “please stop”, tried to distract them by suggesting we work instead, and it barely even keeps them away. They just do what they want when they want, regardless of what I say. My demeanor and body language is basically screaming “NO” even When I’m not verbally communicating it. I don’t want to be forward because I don’t want any conflict. As other users suggested though, I will be taking this to my ETL and seeing if maybe we don’t have to work the same schedule, or I can be transferred to a different department until she learns some manners.

Edit: a word

At this point? Id put it into origami. The TL has repeatedly made his choice in this situation and that's to disrespect your clear non consent to their actions. If they want to fuck around , well you gotta provide the find out. This is no way at all for a leader to interact at all with their staff.

 

[reeeeeeee1345]

At this point? Id put it into origami. The TL has repeatedly made his choice in this situation and that's to disrespect your clear non consent to their actions. If they want to fuck around , well you gotta provide the find out. This is no way at all for a leader to interact at all with their staff.

What do you mean by origami?

 

[Reshop Ninja]

I’ve actually told this person to back off multiple times. Verbally, and non verbally. I will say “no” put my hands up, say “personal space please”, remove their arm (but they typically just go back to doing it in less than a second.) and when I walk back from them they get super close and in my personal space so I can’t avoid them. I’ve said “it makes me uncomfortable”, “please stop”, tried to distract them by suggesting we work instead, and it barely even keeps them away. They just do what they want when they want, regardless of what I say. My demeanor and body language is basically screaming “NO” even When I’m not verbally communicating it. I don’t want to be forward because I don’t want any conflict. As other users suggested though, I will be taking this to my ETL and seeing if maybe we don’t have to work the same schedule, or I can be transferred to a different department until she learns some manners.

Edit: a word

I'm sorry, but transferring will not stop her behavior. She will either continue to seek you out, find some way to retaliate or move on to another target who might not be capable of asserting themselves like you can. I've known people like her. I grew up dealing with people like her. They will not respect anyone else's personal boundries no matter how clear you make them. Even if they know thatbwhat they are doing will result in serious consequences. Theu just don't care. The only way the harassment is going to stop is if she is fired and banned from the premises. You are not doing yourself, your teammates or even her any favors by covering for her. She. Needs. To. Go.

 

[BurgerBob]

Clearing post cause i didn't realize my phone submitted post with dying breath

 

[Coqui]

You need to report this to another leader right away. I suggest HR but if not, any leader you feel comfortable with. This is not ok. That TL needs to be fired.

 

[Planosss]

Hey OP, you already know what you need to do. Either talk to HR or continue to enjoy the bites.

 

[Tacopie]

I have a TL who is very touchy feely. In the past month, they have done the following all on a near daily basis:

Swinging their arm around my shoulder, getting very close to my face. Grabbing my upper arm and wrists in nearly every interaction, shaking me by the shoulders, leaning on me and over me when I’m crouching down, biting me multiple times on my neck, raising her hands threatening to hit me, ACTUALLY hitting me, on the back, chest, shoulder, and backside. They have done this in front of customers and co-workers. It’s gotten to the point where I almost have anxiety attacks because of it. They’ve talked (jokingly) about how they’ve bitten other coworkers before ( and how it led to said coworkers quitting). I took this as a joke at first but now as the behavior escalates, I’m seeing it’s anything but. Asking politely does not work, they do not have boundaries.



I hold no ill will against this TL. I like working with them when they aren’t harassing me, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared to bring it to my ETL because I don’t want to face retaliation, or get them in trouble. I just want them to stop. I’ve been thinking of even asking for a transfer because I don’t want to cause any trouble by reporting it. I’ve never had someone treat me like this at work and I don’t know how to navigate it. There’s so much uncertainty. Any info/advice is very appreciated.

This is how I think about this. Your TL is doing this and you must bea strong person to let it roll off your back. Imagine these other girls or guys that aren’t and this is something really tragic but they are to weak to say something……. You have to say something.

 

[IhateOPmodel]

You aren't going to have to worry about retaliation. If you go to your SD and HR about this, the TL will be fired right away. I literally can't believe they have bitten multiple people, I have never heard or imagined such a thing.

 

[Hardlinesmaster]

As others have said, go to an lod or hr now. Don't wait to see your etl.

 

[Frontlanegirl]

i know everyone has to take harassment training on the computer every year and when they are hired. It clearly states to contact HR. STOP THIS BEHAVIOR AND GO TO HR NOW! And as @Hardlinesmaster says, document everything. Target has cameras everywhere.