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Giving the absolute sliver of the benefit of the doubt, Christmas can be hell on gaming platforms. Sometimes it's a malicious DDoS attack. Sometimes it's thousands of newly opened consoles all pinging the authentication and update servers at the same time. In any case, it's up to the guest to...

To my ETLs: What exactly is the plan for me at this point? I was told to take care of AG stations, batteries, and gift cards at the beginning of the season. I've been left alone to my own devices and I haven't heard a single word, bad or good, about what's going on or how I'm doing with it. A...

TTOG Gross Stories Edition: How did you get the poop three feet above the toilet? Just... how? Did you assume the position and cannon fire into the wall?

To that one cashier, what the actual hell is up with you? You want to say hi to me? Okay. Asking me if I'm going on break? Why else am I buying a snack in my work clothes and encumbered with a Zebra, Electronics keys, a walkie, and wearing a name badge... Then you went into full saleswoman mode...

This must be the same type of guest who just absolutely NEEDS to walk down the completely empty valley I'm working in. Three carts full of fixtures. Fellow POG TM and I bullsh!tting away as we measure shelves and install pegs. Oh, let me just go down this one useless aisle with nothing in it I...

To that one Flow TM: Please re-think your priorities. In the breakroom today you were advocating for committing war crimes then had an in-depth conversation with another TM about how you were saved by Jesus. I'm not religious by any stretch, but even I know Jesus or Magic Sky Dad would be pissed...

If the bags have the little hang tab you can just attach it to the plastic bag rack on your register. Also I <3 me some Bag Tetris. I get so bored at checklanes that I play Bag Tetris in my head to stave off the boredom. Sometimes I sing along too.

I kid you not, back when I used to work at Toys/Kids "R" Us combo store, I had a mother actually ask me if a particular onsie would fit her baby. "Do you have your baby with you?" I asked. She gave me the worst death glare I had at that moment in my life. "No," she replied. "She's with the...

To the few early morning flow team members: You guys are the highest paid TMs in the store. It's uncanny how much you try shirking your responsibilities of your f__king job onto other people. Every single day you guys manage to find whatever POG or revision I'm working on and your eyes straight...

To all the guests shopping in baby hardlines while I did revisions: Learn some f__cking manners. I started needing other people's toes to count high enough the number of moms with tiny humans in tow who would have driven their carts over my ankles. Not a single "excuse me". Not a single "Oh, I...

TTO Flow TM: Screw you. You nearly ran my ass over with a cage full of cardboard. I tried to maneuver around you, your cage, and the baler while holding a handful of flattened boxes. "No, you can do that, you're a big boy" you said to me in your most condescending tone while the aforementioned...

I would like to congratulate the corporate TMs who closed the One Hour Photo lab in the next closest store to mine and then decided to send all of my supplies to that store. I have had to endure listening to two dozen guests explain to me in colorful language how I've managed to ruin their...

This was in the offices and out the TM Entrance/Exit.

TTOG: You regaled me with a story with how your twin nephews share a room in their house. They have bunk beds. They do all the stuff twins do. Yet you weren't going to give one of them an NES mini without the other nephew getting his own. Are you kidding me? You're either trying to hawk the...

TTOTM: Congrats on your promotion to guest. Enjoy the free matching bracelets. It's been a while since I've seen a Perp Walk of Shame.

TTOG: I don't give a shit what Brickseek says, we're sold out and I don't know when more are coming. Here's the thing. I don't know how Brickseek works. I don't know where it finds the data. You admit their own disclaimer. The thing you (every goddamn guest) needs to understand is that Target...

I think it was more of the fact that she hit a piece of trash with the wheel and that caused it to drag on the floor instead of rolling over it.

To the one guest who had the 20 packs of 12 cans of soda, It's not your fault for giving the shopping cart a flat tire. I didn't even know that was possible until I saw you struggling to push the cart with the giant gray skid mark behind you. All you did was manage to run over a piece of plastic...

To the corporate TMs responsible for planning shelf strips. Go outside, find the nearest tree, and apologize to it for needlessly killing it's kin. I just did a POG that changed 26 shelf strips, 20-something peg labels, and 2 pages of blank shelf strips. Do you know what changed? The POG...

10 points to Gryffindor for the reference. To all my older Photo guests: Please keep in mind we can't "just hang onto" the photos you're copying and do it for you. I will gladly walk you through the process while you're standing there with me as it is my job but I will not be held responsible...