Archived Things you wish you could say to idiotic angry guests

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I thought it would be fun to post things you wish you could say to guests that get under your skin. Ya know the moment where you turn red, steam is coming out of your ears, and you go home with a bloody tongue because you had to almost bite it off to prevent you from blowing your stack. These are the guests I speak of. So, let it begin, post your best clips and let the hilarity ensue. (FYI, use of foul language is encouraged in this thread)

I often times want to say this to irate men that verbally assault you just to try and get their way at the Service Desk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhls6kF0YyA
 
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I really don't have that problem -- but if I did -- "Here is a card that entitles you to free cigarettes - forever" --- a nice sloooooooow death --
 
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Oh I have this problem, at Guest Service, not really anywhere else. I honestly go above and beyond to help when I can, but sometimes...... They'll rip your friggin head of man. I'd never lash out at a guest that treats me like garbage, I just go put my head in a tank of water and scream under the water when I get a bad one.
 

redeye58

Hasta Ba Rista, Baby!
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I'd smile sadly while saying:
"I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for someone who cares. I don't."
 
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I actually had enough from a guest last night, and I am transfering to a new store in two days. After a few minutes of back and forth on why this lady couldn't have the pants she wanted, longstory, I finally looked her in the eye asked, "Do you normally shop out of other people's carts" Shut her up long enough for me to walk away with the pants in my hands.
 

StaticSun

Former Front-End Guru
Staff member
Administrator
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I've had 3 guests in the past 2 days ask me for the number to guest relations to commend me for how accomidating I was at guest service to resolve their issues. Doubtful they'll call.

I had 2 last week. Never saw them on the survey comments. Oh well!
 

GlobalJ

Electronics TM
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We had a guest in the store at 10:10 on a 10 close which upset us, we were being "brand" and gave her the friend;y "good night, its ok for leaving late" blah blah. When she was out out our LOD was like "Say no to drugs!" and another TM said are we allowed to say "Get your S*** and get out?" We all laughed and wished we could ;D
 

pzychopopgroove

cyberpunk//my little pony
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I wish I could say this to any idiotic or angry customer: "get the **** out and don't come back, *******"
 
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Two things I'd love to say to idiots on the phone:
1. I ask what number they just called as I'm not who they need to talk to. They give me some # I've never heard of. I give them the correct # then they yell "That's the number I just dialed." WTF? I WANT to say "Idiot, that's not what you just said."

2. I tell a caller they need to call another office, at which point they say "Isn't this that office?" I WANT to say "Sure, I just want you to hang up and dial again." Of course it isn't that office or I wouldn't tell them to call it. Idiots.

I'm glad when I'm on the phone it's a regular phone and not a videophone. I can keep my voice calm and collected but not my facial expressions.
 

redeye58

Hasta Ba Rista, Baby!
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Several reasons why video phones may never catch on:
answering in less than presentable attire
answering during less than appropriate moments
facial expressions
scratching/picking various body parts
someone coming in the room unexpectedly (after you told the caller they weren't home)
to name a few...
 
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Every once and awhile you get grumpy ladies but normally they do not care. The older men they get feisty lol
 

Guest Attendant

Former Target Team Member
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as a walmart employee who stocks over night in a 24 hour store:

You do realize that its 1am. don't ***** because you cant get down the asiles because of pallets and boxes. We do out best to work clean, but don't go around kicking the boxes and *****ing that we are stocking. Do you want us to do it when we have 500 million people in the store? I think not. Also we do not know what comes in untill we get it.If you are nice then sure I'll look for your product on my pallet, but be an ass and I won't. /rant
 

NoRedCards

Soon to be guest, coming 12/21
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Nov 17, 2011
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I wish I could get a horn installed on my flat, like is in my car, so I could do to the people who have to stop directly in front of me what I did to the guy who ignored his redlight because he was on his cell phone......broken phone and wet pants when he hit the ceiling when he was brought back to reality.......
 
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I wish I could get a horn installed on my flat, like is in my car, so I could do to the people who have to stop directly in front of me what I did to the guy who ignored his redlight because he was on his cell phone......broken phone and wet pants when he hit the ceiling when he was brought back to reality.......

For the longest time on my rolling cart and lite duty rolling tool chest I had a bicycle bell and bulb horn - worked great at annoying everybody -- all it did was make the guests look -- I still had to maneuver around them --- never got around to replacing them --
 
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