Archived Funny Closing Announcements

[Blackhawks54]

To add some positivity here...

What is the funniest closing announcement(s) you’ve ever heard or done?

 

[commiecorvus]

We did a lot of them at the book store.

Things like, "We will be closing in five minutes, if you are still here after the doors are locked you will have to help us clean up."
"We will be closing in five minutes. Please bring any purchases to the register, gather up your belongings, and prepare to leave the building. At 10:00 we will release the radioactive hamsters."

 

[Kaitii]

 

[Planosss]

Racist.

 

[NKG]

I want to have his Target baby...

 

[oath2order]

I want to have his Target baby...

You've heard of pussy, you've heard of bussy, now, new and improved...Targetussy

 

[Kartman]

Our shit has been shut down ever since that intercom debacle.

 

[dani346]

"thank you for shopping your (city name) walmart."
*comes back on intercom*
"i did not say "thank you for shopping your (city name) walmart, i said thank you for shopping your (city name) target."

and one time the gsa let a guest do the announcements once, or stl was not happy.

 

[Kaitii]

Racist.

who hurt u

 

[HRZone]

We had a guest demand to let her sing happy birthday to her daughter over the intercom. Entitled brat

 

[Planosss]

who hurt u

Who hasn’t.

 

[Kartman]

A racist, I imagine.

 

[PMR]

Haha, this is great! Nice find!

 

[Kaitii]

Who hasn’t.

u ok friend

 

[Blackhawks54]

One time I said “byyyeee” at the end of the final announcement. The LOD was very amused.

 

[SoftlinesSquirrel]

Haven't heard any at my current store (although I almost never close anymore either). At my old store we had one or two guys who would do different cartoon impersonations. Generally only when it was our ETL HR or Market ETL as the others were a little too uptight for it.

I never had the balls to do it myself, but when my old store first opened, I did it once and was stuttering so bad I literally said "Let's start over" over the intercom. Everyone cracked up over that one.

 

[redeye58]

Played over the PA by the closing ETL long ago:

 

[Redzee]

"Arrrgh. Good evenin' Tar r r r get guests. Our store will be a'closin' in 10 minutes. Pul-leeease bring yer booty to the registers at the front of the store or be prepared to walk the plank!"
Wasn't me. (Local hs team buccaneers- got big laughs)

 

[redeye58]

"Arrrgh. Good evenin' Tar r r r get guests. Our store will be a'closin' in 10 minutes. Pul-leeease bring yer booty to the registers at the front of the store or be prepared to walk the plank!"
Wasn't me. (Local hs team buccaneers- got big laughs)

Hope they use it on national 'Talk Like a Pirate' day

 

[SurefireWolf]

"Arrrgh. Good evenin' Tar r r r get guests. Our store will be a'closin' in 10 minutes. Pul-leeease bring yer booty to the registers at the front of the store or be prepared to walk the plank!"
Wasn't me. (Local hs team buccaneers- got big laughs)

Someone beat me to posting this =(
But a few years ago we had a girl who was big into theater at college and on Pirate's Day she did the best pirate's closing announcement I'd ever heard.

 

[Redzee]

Excellent

 

[Redzee]

Played over the PA by the closing ETL long ago:

And at my funeral

 

[Zone]

Our shit has been shut down ever since that intercom debacle.

Wait. My store wasn't the only one to acquire sentience a few weeks ago?