Archived Guests Say the Darndest Things...

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Bone2Pixel said:
My first day on the job, last year during my seasonal employment, I answered the phone--everyone else was busy.
A girl with a valley accent (like, OMG, so totally, like, valley) asks if she can return a game.
The conversation goes a bit like this:
Her: "Hi, so like, I just got Black Ops 4 and I was wondering if I could return it?"
Me: "Let me see if I can assist you with that, what seems to be the problem?"
Her: "Well, I just don't like it. It looks crappy."
Me: "Oh, well, have you messed around with the graphics settings? How about the television?"
Her: "Well YAH I have, these graphics look like s***. I wanna return it."
Me: "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but unless there is a problem, like the disc being scratched when you opened it, I cannot return it for you."
Her: "OMG you are being SO RUDE. Get your manager on the line right now so I can report you!"

At that point I get the manager, who then laughs at her on the phone and explains that no, she cannot return the game that had no malfunctions, just because she thought the graphics were bad.

Needless to say, I thought it was pretty funny.
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black ops 4? is she living in the future or am i hallucinating becasue last i checked we were only on black ops 2 god forbid we get another of those fu-king games
 
I was working guest service when this woman comes in to return a computer game.
Guest: "I need to return this, it don't work."
Me: "Is it defective?"
Guest: "I don't know, it just won't run."
Me: "Did you check the computer specs on the box?" (pointing out the specs on the side) "Does your computer meet the minimum requirements?"
Guest: "It has XP."
Me: trying to remain calm "No, not the operating system, the specifications your computer has that allow it to run the game. Like it's graphic card and that sort of thing."
Guest: starring at me like I am an alien says "How the hell would I know I'm just a Mom you know."

I tried to again explain what I meant which only made her angry and starting to curse at me. It was then I called my LOD who came as close as I'd ever seen her to tossing someone out of the store. Ya gotta love some guests don't ya?
 
These are pretty hilarious I must say! Got one of my own, nothing fancy, but I definitely got a good chuckle out of it.

*Someone hits the Call Button 2 where furniture is*

"Furniture, call button two, who is responding"

Me: "I got it".

So, I get over there, and another team member had came as well. We walk towards the furniture to hit the button to clear it.

Me: "Okay, I know the call button box should be right here".

So we proceed to double check and walk up and down, no sign of a guest, and the call button box is nowhere to be found.

"Second request, 15 seconds remaining"

LOD: "Um is anyone going to get that"

Me: "Um, the call button box is missing, I don't know how, but it's not there anymore and we've gone up and down the aisles to double check"

"Third request, incomplete"

Guest Service Team Member: "Hey there's a guest standing up at guest services with the call button box".

Um.. okay. So, the guest had apparently hit the button, waited 10 seconds, then ripped it off the wall, walked up to guest service and proceeded to wait up there with the call button box in his hands.

Afterwards, I start talking to the other team member just in disbelief because I've never seen that happen before nor would I expect to

Me: "I can't believe someone actually ripped it off the wall, WHO DOES THAT?!"

All of a sudden, I hear "I did"'; I slowly turn around to see the guest is standing right behind me, FML! So the other team member proceeds to help him while I sneak away and try not to laugh at the fact that I was talking about the guest only to be right behind me, just my luck!
 
I helped this older lady with some baking stuff. We were very nice and cordial to each other.

A little while later I see her talking to my ETL and TL; she seems to have caught their ears for about 10 minutes. One time I passed by and she was showing them the ring on her finger and telling them she got it from Africa or something. A little while later, I pass by and she says to them "...CAUSE THE WHITE MAN IS HOLDING [THEM] DOWN!" I look back at her as I'm caught off guard and she starts screaming at me "SEE HE'S LOOKING AT ME... DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME. THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT! THE WHITE MAN..." and goes on and on. I just ignore her.

My TL later tells me I should have told her I have a black cat named Latifah. I wonder what would have happened if I told her I'm dating a black dude.
 
For a few months we had this really weird woman coming into the store. She wasn't really a problem at first, she would just try to stand in your lane and talk forever and it was hard to follow along with her.

An employee once told me she had gone over to the cafe and got upset when we didn't have a particular food item and the employee couldn't tell her if we would ever have that item. The employee told me she tried to tell the woman she'd have to call Corporate and ask or suggest it, as she was not in charge of those things.

Fast forward later in the day, the weird woman comes up to me and checks out and expresses she was looking for a bike, but it didn't seem like all of them had been back there. I said she could go up to guest services to talk to them because sometimes, the bikes haven't't been put together yet, which was very likely as we had sold A LOT of bikes that day. I also told her about another Super Target, which would probably have a bigger selection.

A few hours later, before we are about to close she comes in AGAIN. The third time that day. She comes to the checkout lane and starts yelling at me because we don't have her bike. I said I'm sorry we didnt have your bike? Did you talk to guest services earlier? She ignores me and says "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DO NOT HAVE MY BIKE, I MEAN WHEN WAS IT I CAME IN HERE AND TOLD YOU I WANTED A BIKE? A FEW DAYS AGO?"

"No, actually you were in here earlier today, like I said, I don't know what inventory we have for bikes, that's why you should have talked to guest services".

*Storms out angrily*.
I see her a few weeks later starting to come through my lane. As soon as she sees it is me, she quickly back tracks to another lane.

What a bad person I am NOT getting her bike for her. As if I was to know what bike she wanted and even after she disregarded my instructions to talk to GS. Hehe :D Haven't seen her since.
 
Dreamwolf31 said:
A guest that lives in their own world and thinks no one in retail works on the weekends? Weekends off are rare, like honest politicians :D
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my etl last night asked if I had the weekend off....I literally LOL'ed and said I haven't had a weekend day off in more than 6 months that I haven't begged for off.
 
The other day I was walking past guest service and a guest tapped me on my shoulder, I asked how I could help her and she responded:
"Oh, never mind, you're just a volunteer you wouldn't know."
I was really confused until I realized I was wearing my Target Volunteer shirt I was given for a volunteer event. I tried explaining why my shirt said volunteer on it, and that we don't have people working in the store as volunteers, we are all paid. And she insisted I call a "Real" Team member.
 
babytrees said:
Dreamwolf31 said:
A guest that lives in their own world and thinks no one in retail works on the weekends? Weekends off are rare, like honest politicians :D
Click to expand...

my etl last night asked if I had the weekend off....I literally LOL'ed and said I haven't had a weekend day off in more than 6 months that I haven't begged for off.
Click to expand...

I hate when the ETLs ask me if I have the weekend off...I swear this conversation happens like once a month. I realize they live on another planet, but must they keep reminding me of this fact?
 
itllprblybalrite said:
The other day I was walking past guest service and a guest tapped me on my shoulder, I asked how I could help her and she responded:
"Oh, never mind, you're just a volunteer you wouldn't know."
I was really confused until I realized I was wearing my Target Volunteer shirt I was given for a volunteer event. I tried explaining why my shirt said volunteer on it, and that we don't have people working in the store as volunteers, we are all paid. And she insisted I call a "Real" Team member.
Click to expand...

That must have been fun to explain over the walkie.
"Could I get a real TM to Guest Services, please?"

And welcome to The Break Room itllprblybalrite.
 
While buying a 70" tv last night, apparently for the child that was with them.... The guest goes, "can't you just tape those red bags over it?"

Um, ok, sure.... Because they are just like Harry's invisibility cloak and the kid won't know it's a big tv.

(her mom kept asking her if she took her pain pill - appeared to have a broken arm... So it had to be that!)
 
Retail Girl said:
Guest (as I was checking her out last night): wow, it's crazy in here. You must be looking forward to the weekend.

*sigh*
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One guest asked me when I was going to put my tree up.
I said it would have to be when I had time.
She said "Maybe you'll have time during the weekend."
I looked at her & said "I work weekends. EVERY weekend."
She stared at me in disbelief.
 
a gem from before i got shit canned at the petrol station:

this happened late last year, after the song Gangnam Style blew the fuck up over well, everywhere

a guy pulls up to the pumps, gets out to prepay, and i swear on my mother's grave he looks exactly like Psy from the music video

i had a regular in line look out, and he said, and i quote

"hey (my name), here comes gangnam style"
 
2 male guests getting ready to go to the theatre across the street after the initial "I already have my redcard" spiel:

Guest 1 to Guest 2: So have you seen the new $100?

Guest 2: No, I haven't. What does it look like? Do you have one on you?

Guest 1: No, I don't. Spent it.

Me: I actually had a Guest pay wi---

Guest 1 to me: Yeah, no one cares pal. Just do your job. *laughs*

What I was going to say? I actually had a guest pay with one and I have it here in the register if you wanted to see it (Guest was paying with $100s anyway).



Bonus highlights from my first month:

Young Female Teenage Guest to another Male Guest: You look like Chuck Norris can I have your autograph?

He pulls out a pen and signs her paper. And the guy didn't even look like Chuck Norris!

AND

Mother with her son in the cart. Kid is making noises and reaching for the reindeer plush I just rang up.

Mother to Son: Do you want to hold it? You can hold it, but don't throw it on the ground.

Me with a puzzled look on my face.

Kid takes it and throws it past the guest behind them almost into the next row of registers. I start cracking up.
 
Last edited:
Vic said:
2 male guests getting ready to go to the theatre across the street after the initial "I already have my redcard" spiel:

Guest 1 to Guest 2: So have you seen the new $100?

Guest 2: No, I haven't. What does it look like? Do you have one on you?

Guest 1: No, I don't. Spent it.

Me: I actually had a Guest pay wi---

Guest 1 to me: Yeah, no one cares pal. Just do your job. *laughs*
Click to expand...

I would have been fired if this happened to me.
 
4 year old boy in cart with mom approaching the egg section: "No... no... no... no..."
Mom: "No eggs?"
Boy: "No... no... no... no..."
Mom: "But we need eggs!"
Boy: "No... no... no... no..."
Mom picks up carton of eggs
Boy: "No... no... no... no..."
Mom puts eggs in cart
Boy screams
 
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