Archived Laundry list closing announcements

[Fix It]

Well, my store is lucky. We don’t have any working microphones, so no essay of a closing announcement for us.

It’s done through the operators phone on a specific extension.

Where’s the obligatory video of the guy doing closing announcements in different accents?

 

[commiecorvus]

Good evening, the time is now 11:00 and we are closed.
If you are not at the register having your purchases rung up, I suggest you exit the building immediately because we are about to release the radioactive hamsters.

 

[EatPlanoLove]

My Target closing announcement:
Target guest: while we have enjoyed you visiting our store we will be closing in 15 minutes, at such time Bullseye's Buddies will be released to escort you to the checklanes. Please do not try to pet the dogs, as they will view this as a hostile act and may attack. Please be prompt in exiting because when the clock strikes *insert closing time* Bullseye's Buddies become Bullseye's Enforcers and will proceed to drag you out of store, but not before signing you up for a Target Redcard so you can say 5% on this and every purchase in store and online at Target.com!

IM CRYING

 

[NPC]

I remember explaining to a friend's kid once, about how we turn off the lights in the store so people know we're closed, that way they'll pay for their stuff and leave. She replied, "Oh, are they afraid of the dark?"

 

[RunForACallBox]

It’s done through the operators phone on a specific extension.

Where’s the obligatory video of the guy doing closing announcements in different accents?

None of our phones work on the extension Workbench gives. We haven’t done any closing announcements in about 2 months.

 

[GoodyNN]

How about our registers will shut down at 11 pm and no more transactions will be allowed?

I've been at Walmart at midnight, I don't recall if they were 24-hour at the time or officially closing at midnight. The POS system actually did shut down at midnight, and then reupped after about 5 minutes. So if you got to the register after about 11:58, they made you wait for the register to come back online. I think it was for ease of identifying a day's sales, but I could be wrong.

 

[YoNanas]

Wow! It's been ages since I was around for closing shifts but that's a LONNGG speech. Like really? Does a guest really listen to that? Back in the day it was short and to the point. I wonder if all stores have the same speech.

 

[Flow Warrior]

Is this from corporate? Seriously wtf by the time you finish saying it all you need to say it again

It's real. SMH its real and expected.

 

[pellinore]

Here's my time to complain...when the store is closing, you don't "bring" your items to the front lanes...you TAKE them to the front lanes.
Grammar is not a strong suit for Spot.

 

[commiecorvus]

This was a convo between me and some friends who worked at the big box bookstore on the subject.


The Damned One: I would do weird ones, sometimes singling out customers. No idea how I got away with some of the things I said. I remember detailing our security system's features, which I claimed included in laser beams and attack monkeys. Sometimes I'd invite customers to stay all night as long as they remained absolutely still. My favorite was "we appreciate your patronage. Please come back and patronize us some more tomorrow."
Kim: I remember those well. Remember using the sound books?

Me: I don't...

Kim: You never used the kids books with the sounds strips? So many of us would play with them over the speakers towards closing

The Damned One: Nope. All me. Though in my previous store my coworkers had a tendency to pick increasingly obnoxious songs as we approached closing.

Me: My favorite was doing the count down to closing like the building was about to explode. I also told them that if they were there after closing they would have to help us clean up.

Sandi: "in the immortal words of Semisonic, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Kim: didn't you threaten to start spoiling movies if people didn't leave? Or was that Dan.

The Damned One: I did indeed. I think I had to start once, and began with classics moving forward in time.

Kim: Now I have to be nice and say things like, "Hi! We close in fifteen minutes!" and hope they leave.

Sandi: In the immortal words of The Bard, "Out out, damn fuckers ! Lock the doors, turn the music up, walk around shelving things, stumble upon someone "oh shit, are you still here? Now we have to kill you, great. Just great."

 

[buliSBI]

I always thought that the announcements needed to be a standardized audio track.

At 5 minutes after the announcement should be. "Attention Target guests, the store is now closed. Currently our Teams Members are being armed with cattle prods. If you do not proceed to checkout immediately, YOU WILL BE SHOCKED!!!"

 

[Kartman]

Same with the "10 items or less" spiel. It needs to be a recording, you just push a button. Piss on all that yelling out loud!