Archived Laundry list closing announcements

[countingsheep]

Is this from corporate? Seriously wtf by the time you finish saying it all you need to say it again

 

[Him]

Oh this should be good...

 

[RunForACallBox]

Well, my store is lucky. We don’t have any working microphones, so no essay of a closing announcement for us.

 

[OneArmedJesus]

For us it's just a simple reminder that the mall side doors are gonna close, and how much time is left

 

[Anelmi]

That’s a big nope. My fitting room would flat out refuse, I guarantee it.

 

[Militantagnostic]

My Target closing announcement:
Target guest: while we have enjoyed you visiting our store we will be closing in 15 minutes, at such time Bullseye's Buddies will be released to escort you to the checklanes. Please do not try to pet the dogs, as they will view this as a hostile act and may attack. Please be prompt in exiting because when the clock strikes *insert closing time* Bullseye's Buddies become Bullseye's Enforcers and will proceed to drag you out of store, but not before signing you up for a Target Redcard so you can say 5% on this and every purchase in store and online at Target.com!

 

[graffiti]

I kinda like the idea of using a different bullet point at each 5 minute interval announcement to make it less redundant, but since the phone at my store causes a super distracting echo effect during announcements I'd be miserable if I either had to change it up constantly OR read the whole essay 4 times each night. I don't know why they don't have automated announcements in place by now, anyway.

And the emojis made me lol. Imagine a monotone operator: "...please let a team member know, smiley face."

 

[Kartman]

"GTFO you gawddamn bastids we are closing ! Come back tomorrow to trash our store and parking lot!!!"

 

[oath2order]

That’s a big nope. My fitting room would flat out refuse, I guarantee it.

I mean, if corporate says for them to say, this, they need to suck it up and do their jobs.

 

[Militantagnostic]

Why not just have pre-recorded lines and implement them in all stores on an automatic timer? They can use the walkie lady again.

*Walkie lady's voice comes over PA system* Oh God, the master call box has been pressed!

 

[BullseyeBlues]

We’ll stick to the old closing announcements, thanks. Clearly the person writing these new ones has never had to make the closing announcements or they’d know those are impractically long. Guests aren’t going to listen to a spiel that long.

 

[Times Up]

My store has been using this for awhile now, at least a couple of weeks.

We just don't use the part about stopping at the fitting room, Thank God!

 

[GoodyNN]

My store's been doing it for at least 2 weeks. Possibly longer, I had a run of mid shifts for awhile. And yes, it's insane. I mean, I kind of tuned out the old ones anyway, but this one just goes on and on and on.

 

[Frontlanegirl]

Guest do not pay attention to the 15-minute announcement to bring their purchases to the registers now, why do you think they will listen to this one?

 

[commiecorvus]

Good evening guests,

We will be locking our doors in fifteen minutes.
Please bring your purchases to the registers to be rung up.
If you don't have any purchases please exit the building.
I repeat we will be closing in fifteen minutes.
If you are here past that time, you will have to help us clean up the store.
Thank you and good night.

 

[Hardlinesmaster]

I don't agree with it, either. Get out, now.

 

[GoodyNN]

Turning off lights generally gets their attention. Well, most of them, we still have the occasional self-entitled soccer mom who doesn't get it. I say we start killing lights at 5 or 10 till instead of rambling on and on over the PA.

 

[Yetive]

I usually do a walk at about 15 minutes to close. I just remind the guests that we are closing soon. We also do announcements, but not that long thing.

 

[redeye58]

"Attention Target guests: Our store will be closing five minutes.
If you wish to shop longer only RedCards will be accepted for payment.
If you do not HAVE a RedCard, you may proceed to checklane XX to open an account."

 

[Aredhel]

Like a Pirate- “”Arggggh mateys...”

 

[Jynxille]

Ours goes: “Attention Target guests, the store is now closed (or closing in 15-5 minutes). Please finish shopping and bring your items to the registers at T1 (my store has 2 levels so we call the first one T1). The store will be open again at 8AM tomorrow. Thank you for shopping at Target and have a nice evening.”

 

[balthrop]

meh…

"we are closed get out."

short and to the point

 

[Billybobjoe]

Closing time, one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home.

 

[Frontlanegirl]

How about our registers will shut down at 11 pm and no more transactions will be allowed?

 

[LearningTree]

When I'm closing I allow my team to be as obnoxious as possible to get guests out of the store if they're still shopping at close. I have literally stood behind a guest and herded her to the front (she eventually stormed out without buying anything, which was fine by me). Sorry Susan, it's midnight! The store's closed! Now is not the time for browsing! GET OUT!