Archived One hell of a morale drop; advice?

[Kaitii]

So I've been working at Target for about two months, and up until now I was fine. I have really bad anxiety and I'm pretty scared of people overall and one of my coping mechanisms was to get "attached" to someone I work with. Being around them (not even talking to them) made me feel safe, and I was able to work well. People told me I didn't seem like I had bad anxiety they would tell me I'm a good cashier, etc. The person I grew fond of was a GSA and luckily that meant I would see her often (even on days we didn't work together I still worked fine purely off 'I would see her next time!')

About a week ago, she quit. I found out while I was cashiering and I had to do everything in my power to hold off on having an anxiety attack right then and there. I kept stuttering and my movements were just....clumsy. I made it an hour to my lunch where I proceeded to freak out over what I'm going to do without her, how I can work calmly and happily like I used to. Cried the full 45 minutes for my lunch, went to the GSA afterwards and explained to her I'm having an anxiety attack and was taken upstairs to talk to HR. Proceeded to cry for about an hour more before actually explaining to her why I was like this and then she let me go home for the day.

I was hoping that would be the end of it, that I would get over it and be able to work just fine the next day. It's been a week and I'm still feeling awful. I can't get out more than "Did you find everything okay?" Red Cards are absolutely the last thing on my mind, and I'm just...not caring about anything. Just trying to make it through the day. I'm not interested in interacting with guests as I used to be (despite being terrified of people, I love talking to them), I don't smile like I used to, I'm just...there. And I think people are starting to notice. I'm still on probation, so this could ruin it for me if I don't get back into shape.

So the advice I'm looking for is, what can I do to make myself seem more happy? More calm? My chest tends to clench up again at the start of the work day thinking about interacting with people. I'm even forgetting the names of the GSAs and GSTLs, I feel like I reverted back to how I was my first day there (a co-worker said I was absolutely horrible on my first day). Sorry this is so long, I'm just really at a complete loss on how to push past this. If it was a home problem, it would be easy to leave that at home and not bring it into work. But showing up to work and knowing I won't see that GSA there is something I'm having trouble ignoring.

A friend of mine is suggesting I see a therapist/some kind of mental health specialist and possibly getting prescribed something if I can't fix this on my own.

 

[Circle9]

You really should have gone for counseling a while ago if you're having experiences like that.

 

[redeye58]

Agreed.
Fixating on a person isn't practical in a place like Target where many stores have high turnover.
Take your friend's advice; the right treatment does make a difference.

 

[Sickofspot]

@Kaitii , I recommend you at least call LifeResources. It is a free benefit. You get 3 free sessions with a counselor. It really helps you get started on the road to recovery.

 

[Sickofspot]

A lot of us struggle with anxiety and/or depression. You are not alone.

 

[commiecorvus]

I agree with your friend.
Spot can be rough on the most stable of folks and if you need support it's not a great place with how high the turnover can be.
Most of the folks there are great and decent people but they do have to look to their own sanity.

Seek out some kind of support group, get some counseling, if you can afford it see if medication works for you.
You don't have to live in this kind of crippling pain and anxiety.
It doesn't have to be normal or control you.

It won't be easy and there will be setbacks but you will survive and do better.
Just take that first step and each one after that ...
Will be just as hard but won't suck maybe a tiny bit less.
Get some help, there are people who do this for a living.
Use them.

 

[redeye58]

As SickofSpot says, you are NOT alone:
http://www.thebreakroom.org/threads/anyone-here-deal-with-mental-illness.10892/#post-170314

 

[Hardlinesmaster]

Hang in there!

 

[Kartman]

I think you need to find another career.

 

[Sushi2Go]

Sounds like you might have social anxiety: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/

There are meds for this, but its sort of a hit and miss.

Also, they have a forum, maybe you can talk about your issues there! http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/

 

[Signkitty]

Medication for my anxiety/OCD/depression changed my life for the better.

 

[redeye58]

I think you need to find another career.

I think you need to find another thread.
Seriously, dude?

 

[Kartman]

Bugger off, mate. If what you're doing to pay the bills is messing with your head, then you need to find another job that you are happy with. It ain't rocket science.
Seriously, dude.

 

[redeye58]

Bugger off yourself.
OP is seeking advice for treatment.
If those efforts don't work, they might quit but they're at least trying instead of simply jumping ship.
Lack compassion much?

 

[tgtguy]

To the OP, to start with I am sure it took a lot of courage to even post this. So, that's a great start...actually saying it out loud ( or in this case typing it out ) sometimes helps to get your issues/problems out there. Also, when you put yourself and your issues out there some people can be less than caring and for that I apologize.
I can relate to some of what you are saying . I know how it is to have to force yourself to pretend like things are ok...having to function on the outside while crying and screaming on the inside. I would highly suggest that you follow your friends advice and seek counseling ....it can make a huge difference . If you ever need someone to vent and or talk to feel free to pm me.

 

[Flabbergasted]

Bugger off, mate. If what you're doing to pay the bills is messing with your head, then you need to find another job that you are happy with. It ain't rocket science.
Seriously, dude.

Talk about a lack of compassion and humanity for others. Mental illness ain't that easy. If he is having these issues at Target, simply changing jobs won't fix that. His illness has nothing to do with Target, in fact. He needs to seek counseling because this kind of social anxiety will affect him at every job he has throughout his life if he doesn't get the right treatment. Please try to see another's point of view before you bash them.

OP, feel free to join us in the mental health thread @redeye58 linked. Know that you are not alone.

 

[Kartman]

I shoulda used smilies and flowers in my post.

My bad...

 

[PassinTime]

I shoulda used smilies and flowers in my post.

My bad...

Insensitive

 

[Flabbergasted]

I shoulda used smilies and flowers in my post.

My bad...

Extending basic human empathy is not smiles and flowers. It's called being a decent person. I'm not even going to anymore. You need to stay out of these threads if you can't be kind to people who are going through a crisis. It is rude, insensitive and contributes nothing of value to the conversation. Have a good day.

 

[Kartman]

 

[commiecorvus]

@Kartman what you don't always seem to understand is that sometimes your sense of humor can come across as abrasive and what you see as honest, perhaps even forthright, can to others appear to be rude and cavalier.
I'm sure you weren't trying to make light of the OP's problems but it came across that way.

Folks who have dealt with mental illness either in themselves or with family members know there are no easy answers and that it tends to be more finding a process than finding a solution.
If you've haven't been through that particular kind of experience (a word I use with some trepidation) it's hard to grok but I can say that everything you do, even the simple stuff like sleeping or taking a shower, is off kilter and becomes a major issue, so work is huge.

If you wander into one of these threads, give it a few posts and a little thought before you comment, there's a chance a funny might not be appropriate or if it is, you might need to watch your phrasing.
As an example, just like you would never ask a woman if she on her period because she is mad at you (unless you want a fork buried in your eye socket) asking a manic depressive if they are upset because they are off their meds would make you deserve to get forked.

 

[Flabbergasted]

Sorry, but some fake laughter and a good night's sleep aren't going to magically cure any mental illness. I wish that were the case. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up without any issues, and just be a completely normal mentally stable member of society. But it doesn't work that way.

 

[Jiminy]

Guys, his name is Kartman and has an Eric Cartman avatar...

 

[Kartman]

Thank you.

 

[Kaitii]

Oh.

Well then, I wasn't expecting so many responses and forgot to...check back. Thank you all so much for your responses!

@Circle9

I did, actually...well the one my college provided for free. She wasn't exactly helpful and her ways of trying to help me (basically, throwing me out into public alone to do tasks as "homework") probably made it worse. Can't really...afford one (am looking into that now though).

@Sickofspot

That actually sounds super helpful, though is there a way to set it up online? I can't handle phone calls...at all. When it rings on my lane I panic and someone else answers it for me.

@commiecorvus

Yeah, being a cashier was most def not my first choice. I was hoping for more something with overnight stocking or really, anything not a cashier. But I had actually been applying to places for years (as you can probably imagine, interviews never went well for me) before Target offered me a position as a cashier so I took it because I gotta pay college somehow. As much as I'd like to seek out a better position for someone like me, it's probably better for me to stay and seek out help now so I don't run away from my problem anymore. My first tiny step was here, to see if others who work here could provide some kinda insight or help.

@redeye58

Oh my god that thread, thank you so much for pointing that to me...it's really comforting to know there are others dealing with mental health problems, though at the same time it's really sad there's so many :c

@Sushi2Go

Thank you so much for the link! I'll def be sure to check out those forums.

@Signkitty

It's always good to know that it did help someone, I do get a little nervous at the thought of taking them myself but really if it'll help out I'll go for it

@tgtguy

Yeah it really did, I'd been debating about it and probably the process of typing and posting took...far longer than it should have. It felt nice at least getting it out there because I really didn't tell anyone else except the lady from HR so it kind of just bottled up in there. The other things said didn't really bother me much, because I can also kind of understand it. Taking a cashier job might not have been the best move for an anxious person like me, but I've also heard that for many it was a great step to overcoming it despite it being very rocky for a while (also like I said above...college is expensive and I can't really rely on my parents paying everything for me).

@Flabbergasted

(Changing jobs probably wouldn't even be an option since it took me 3 years to even get one oops) But yes, I'm kind of hoping to stick to this and find proper help especially because even if I have these problems, everyone has been so nice to me there and it's at the location my mom worked at when I was younger so it also has a sense of comfort because I already know the place, know some of the employees and the general area.

I'll def be joining that thread in my spare time, it really was comforting to go through.


I think...I got everything I had to say. Sorry if I missed anyone ;n;