Archived What would you do?

[FredPanda3]

This happened a little while ago, but it's been on my mind. A co-worker of mine made a racist and discriminatory comment towards me about a group of people that 1. I belong to and 2. She works with all the time. I didn't want to start anything, so I just shrugged it off.

 

[KhakiOnTheSide]

I would tell HR. I have zero tolerance for that bullshit.

 

[Planosss]

Well, was she joking?

 

[SrTLall]

Return the favor.

 

[NPC]

Depends how bad and what the context is? Usually, I'm not a fan of going to HR over every conflict. If she does it again, I'd confront her about it right as it happens. Depending how that goes, then HR should probably be involved.

 

[CsideMaster]

Was it meant as a joke or was she being nasty?

 

[HLN13]

I’d confront her and just ask her not to say that again before going to HR.

 

[REDcardJJ]

If it was a one-off thing, I'd talk to her first. If that doesn't work, and it's something that happens all the time, I'd go speak to HR or whoever the LOD is that day.

 

[Leonhart621]

What’s the comment?

 

[PM2NO]

There are some people who are very hard to tell if they are serious or joking.

But likely if you feel offended, then it should be something that needs addressed. Otherwise that person will never learn that their behavior is not acceptable.

 

[60SecondsRemaining]

If you have a problem with something someone says, tell them. If it continues THEN you go to HR.

Going straight to HR first is not the way to handle the situation like an adult. You may get results, but you will also gain a reputation as a snitch.

If you confront them and they either don't care, or continue the behavior, then yes, go to HR, and tell them you confronted the behavior to no effect.

 

[commiecorvus]

I would have called her on it at the time but you can talk to her now.
Something like, I'm sure you didn't mean it like that but some people are going to be very offended by what you said.
Even if it was meant as a joke those can be racist and awful too.
Decent people can make mistakes and would prefer to know rather than hurt people.

 

[IWishIKnew]

A few years ago I might have shrugged it off or gone to HR, but the way things are in the country right now I'd have said something, even if it was "Why would you say something like that?" I would also go to HR about it, but that kind of crap really needs to be called out in the moment, if you can.

Obviously if you don't feel like you can safely say anything in the moment then go straight to HR, and if other TMs see or hear comments like that they should also call it out if they can.

 

[Flow Warrior]

This happened a little while ago, but it's been on my mind. A co-worker of mine made a racist and discriminatory comment towards me about a group of people that 1. I belong to and 2. She works with all the time. I didn't want to start anything, so I just shrugged it off.

If the comment is a word commonly used in rap music then yes go to HR. If its another similar like word, the same. If more of a joking term but not inherently racist then use your discretion.

 

[FredPanda3]

I'll take this as a learning experience, I think when it happened I was in shock so I just didn't know how to react and I didn't want to escalate anything. Since many people, including this person, do not know that I belong to this group that she was disparaging, she felt safe to say what she did.

 

[TheBeastPMT]

You still didnt give us the context of the situation, was it completely a joke, or what?

 

[commiecorvus]

You still didnt give us the context of the situation, was it completely a joke, or what?

It doesn't matter.
If she isn't part of the group she is telling the joke about or "being joking" about then she doesn't get a pass.
Is it fair?
My mom used to say that the world isn't fair but people can be.
You act in a fair way by not making jokes about woman if you are a man, black jokes if you are white, etc.

 

[IWishIKnew]

Also, if only one of you is laughing, odds are good it's not a joke, just someone being an asshole and trying to pretend it's just a joke when they get called on it.

 

[Guessed Service]

One technique I've heard is to play dumb and ask the person "what do you mean by that?" or "how is that funny?" If the person has to explain it out, you can reply with "that doesn't make sense" or "that seems like a bad stereotype."

Here is a good article that gives a few tips How to Respond to an Offensive Comment at Work - https://hbr.org/2017/02/how-to-respond-to-an-offensive-comment-at-work

 

[Hustleandflow]

I'll take this as a learning experience, I think when it happened I was in shock so I just didn't know how to react and I didn't want to escalate anything. Since many people, including this person, do not know that I belong to this group that she was disparaging, she felt safe to say what she did.

Hi FredPanda3! I would have let her know it bothered you at that time. If you still chat with her, you could always bring it back up in conversation one day and let her know how it made you feel. Some people, when they trust you, will say the craziest things. If you don't vocalize your discomfort then they may take it as you being 'ok' with what they are saying. Doesn't make what they are doing right but everyone has an opinion and it is up to us to choose what opinions we have to listen to or put up with. I hope you don't have to put up with hateful or rude comments from anyone about this again. Take care.

 

[thetargetman]

When I was with spot there was a LOG ETL who made a VERY anti Semitic joke to me. (he implied I was stuffing bills under my Kippah) I decided if he EVER did that again id go to HR but I wanted to give him a second chance because there is always the chance he thought he was being funny.