Archived How to handle an offensive ETL?

[agnemar]

I've never had an issue quite like this because I've always been fortunate enough to get along with all of TL's and ETL's, but the other day I was having a conversation with an ETL of mine, and she made a comment about another TM's sexuality in a derogatory manner. I was shocked, and I didn't know what to say because she's management so I said nothing.

I know there's the integrity hotline, but would it be better to go to HR about this instead? If I went to HR how would they typically handle something like this? Do they tell the ETL in question the details of the complaint, because if so, I'm worried that my ETL will automatically know if was me who said something about it. Working there with her after that incident has already been uncomfortable, but if they knew I "ratted" on them, it would feel worse.

Any suggestions?? Also, I apologize if this is the wrong sub-forum for this kind of question. I wasn't sure where this was better suited.

 

[redcardroy]

Is it common for this ETL to talk about the tm's sexuality in a derogatory manner? If it was just this one time, I would personally let it go. People say things they quickly regret after. We're all human after all. If it's a recurring thing, I think it might be best using the integrity hotline to maintain your anonymity.

 

[Hardlinesmaster]

Go to hr or stl, without delay. Letting it go, does not solve the problem. If your etl mentions the same thing to others, too. They need to be stopped. Thats why we have a diversity policy.

 

[agnemar]

Go to hr or stl, without delay. Letting it go, does not solve the problem. If your etl mentions the same thing to others, too. They need to be stopped. Thats why we have a diversity policy.

The diversity policy is part of why this bothers me. The other issue is that she made this comment during open store hours when guests (who could have overheard what she said) were shopping in the nearby aisles.

As for whether or not she's done this before, I'm not sure if she has. I don't interact with her often, but she's a well-liked ETL, so it's possible that even if she had made these comments before, they were brushed off by other TM's because she's otherwise charming.

 

[NPC]

How derogatory? I'd be careful, I wouldn't want to bring someone's job into question over what could have been a harmless one time comment. Especially if you don't see it negatively effecting their ability to perform, and they don't single anyone out for their diversity. I'm also a big believer in just asking and approaching people about issues. If you're close to this ETL, I'd just ask what she meant by that, or mention it's not really work appropriate. That's probably not the best advice, because it can certainly have drawbacks, but I personally like it. I'd rather seek to understand and solve an issue myself than go through some thoughtless systematic method.

Then again, this very well could be a regular thing that could be negatively impacting her work, and this is just the first time you experienced it. You going to HR could just be another example to an ongoing investigation. Only you really know the dynamics of how serious her comment was. Make a decision based on that.

 

[redcardroy]

Target NPC makes a great point. Only OP knows the entire predicament, but I know there's a chance the etl will respect you more if you confront them positively than going to HR. Sometimes it's necessary to take it to HR. I can't really tell since I don't know the whole situation.

 

[agnemar]

How derogatory? I'd be careful, I wouldn't want to bring someone's job into question over what could have been a harmless one time comment. Especially if you don't see it negatively effecting their ability to perform, and they don't single anyone out for their diversity. I'm also a big believer in just asking and approaching people about issues. If you're close to this ETL, I'd just ask what she meant by that, or mention it's not really work appropriate. That's probably not the best advice, because it can certainly have drawbacks, but I personally like it. I'd rather seek to understand and solve an issue myself than go through some thoughtless systematic method.

She referred to an employee as a 'dyke'. I thought about saying something to her about it, but (again) I wasn't sure how to approach someone in a lead position about something like that. In a way, I guess they were singling someone out, because she could have used any other descriptor for the employee, but instead chose something based on her *assumed* sexual orientation. I certainly don't want to cause someone to lose their job, but I guess I'm wondering if HR would be able to step in for me and talk to her about appropriate workplace speech on my behalf?

 

[redcardroy]

She referred to an employee as a 'dyke'. I thought about saying something to her about it, but (again) I wasn't sure how to approach someone in a lead position about something like that. In a way, I guess they were singling someone out, because she could have used any other descriptor for the employee, but instead chose something based on her *assumed* sexual orientation. I certainly don't want to cause someone to lose their job, but I guess I'm wondering if HR would be able to step in for me and talk to her about appropriate workplace speech on my behalf?

It's not okay for her to refer to anyone as a dyke when she's representing Target as a manager. If I were in that predicament, I would probably ask to talk to her and tell her how I feel about the comment she made. Something like "hey ___, I just wanted to talk to you about the comment you made about ___, when you called her a dyke. Since then I've felt uncomfortable about it b/c it's not fair to her and customers were around, and I hope you can understand how I feel." If the etl is reasonable, she'll understand, apologize, and maybe even say she regretted saying it and she's been meaning to bring it up. I personally wouldn't go to HR if I'm concerned about her getting into hot water.

 

[NPC]

She referred to an employee as a 'dyke'. I thought about saying something to her about it, but (again) I wasn't sure how to approach someone in a lead position about something like that. In a way, I guess they were singling someone out, because she could have used any other descriptor for the employee, but instead chose something based on her *assumed* sexual orientation. I certainly don't want to cause someone to lose their job, but I guess I'm wondering if HR would be able to step in for me and talk to her about appropriate workplace speech on my behalf?

ETLS are people just like you. You can talk to them about whatever you want, just be a professional about it. I definitely don't think it's alright to go around calling anyone a Dyke, especially as a manager. I'd just talk to her. If that doesn't work out, HR is still an option.

 

[tgtguy]

The etl should not had said that. We ( including etls ) are all humans and make mistakes. However, if the etl said that ....it had to be something she says or thinks on a reg basis. You just wouldn't throw that word out there if you haven't used it and or thought it before. The etl needs to be confronted be it by HR, stl or the OP. If the op doesn't feel comfortable going to the etl, stl, hr etc...then call the hotline.

 

[SrTLall]

If you are truly concerned, calling the integrity hotline won't do anything for you and here is why:

If you call the hotline you have to decide whether or not to tell them the whole story. Either you stay vague and say the ETL used a derogatory term or you tell them the ETL called someone a dyke. With the first scenario, the hotline calls your STL and tell them a TM said the ETL used a derogatory term for a TM, go investgate it. So, your STL will go to the ETL and ask if they used a derogatory term to describe a TM and they will say they don't remember and that will be the end of it - no proof, no admission, no issue. In the second scenario, the hotline calls your STL and says a TM told them the ETL called someone a dyke. This time your STL confronts the ETL and asks who they called a dyke and who they told that to. The ETL says 'yeah, I made a mistake while I was talking to agnemar. My fault, I won't do it again.' And that's the end of that, except now the STL is pissed at you for calling the hotline without consulting the ETL-HR or STL first. This is a big issue because now the DTL thinks that your store doesn't trust the ETL-HR and STL, making them look bad.

Just go to either the ETL-HR or the STL with your concerns. Tell them that ETL called someone a dyke. They are both required to protect your identity. Also, now the STL has specific details straight from you instead of hearsay from the hotline, which is more difficult to act upon.

 

[Octavian11]

^ This is the best way to go about it, the Integrity line is better suited if your ETL-HR or STL do nothing about a legitimate issue after you bring it to them.

 

[WalksforMiles]

I don't regard Target as a bastion of professionalism and high standards.

I am routinely disappointed in ( some ) of my fellow TMs and TLs / ETLs who display a high level of immaturity despite their age.

The ones that are mature are of course also the ones that work hard and are awesome to be around.

The bad apples make me question why I'm even working there.

 

[BackroomAlpha]

I hear some horrible things from TL on up about certain TMs. It has made me feel disgusted. At my store it is nearly a right of passage into leadership to bash Team members with other leadership. Ive nearly withdrawn my interest in promotion due to this circumstance but I am an opportunist at will so I will change that shit quick.

 

[redeye58]

The best way you can change it is to lead by example; don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't say to their face.