Just Joking Around: Fake Positions

[starmaster1000]

Sometimes I feel that my store disproportionately focuses on something or completely ignores another to the point I think they need someone in charge of that one thing. So I'm making up my own positions for Store T-1040. I'll start.

EDIT: Picked 1040 as a joke bc we joke about it. Yes it's a real store. It's assumed I'm not really talking about 1040. It's just a dream. 🙄

 

[starmaster1000]

ETL-Carts

Someone fucking get some carts in here. Who scheduled the cart attendant to come in on a Saturday at NOON?
Stupid ETL-Carts

 

[starmaster1000]

REDCard Team Lead

Stop asking me how many I've signed up. No one wants this. It's plastered all over the store. Trust me, those who want to save 5% will sign up. Leave me alone, RCTL.

 

[SL101]

Reshop TL

Ya know, for when guest service calls for HL to come get reshop ... And we don't have any HL's coverage. RSTL to the rescue!

 

[Badjedidude]

ETL-Lunch

That one ETL that goes around asking every other ETL and/or TL what they want for lunch, then either orders it or drives off to get it and bring it back. Then they take everyone to the conference room to eat.

 

[oath2order]

ETL-Lunch

That one ETL that goes around asking every other ETL and/or TL what they want for lunch, then either orders it or drives off to get it and bring it back. Then they take everyone to the conference room to eat.

They said fake positions. This one exists.

 

[PackAndCry]

ETL-Equipment Room

Presses the button for TMs to get equipment. Higher volume stores have it split into ETL-Zebra and ETL-Walkie.

 

[Fluttervale]

ETL-Equipment Room

Presses the button for TMs to get equipment. Higher volume stores have it split into ETL-Zebra and ETL-Walkie.

Also makes sure that only 20% of the equipment is charged at any given time. Refuses to order more walkies until only 5 remain.

 

[NKG]

Sometimes I feel that my store disproportionately focuses on something or completely ignores another to the point I think they need someone in charge of that one thing. So I'm making up my own positions for Store T-1040. I'll start.

Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.

 

[sprinklesontop]

Funko-Pop TL.

 

[starmaster1000]

Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.

Yes, the magic store where nothing goes wrong. Or everything does. No in-between.

 

[TM2]

Funko-Pop TL.

Their job is to requisition all the rare ones as they come in, and sell them on eBay for greater profit.

 

[redeye58]

Starbucks - ETL
Oh....wait.....that's another one that DOES exist.

 

[TTB]

Waste Management Advocate: raising awareness to our guests that there ARE hidden trash receptacles throughout the store and main job is to follow guests from starbucks discreetly to keep our aisles...trash and litter (empty f-ing starbucks cups ) free..bonus for any plastic straws. (Helping the environment)

 

[Targetron]

Computer and Device Technician

 

[Kartman]

Cart Pusher Technician. Recycle Bin Expert. Bale Formation ETL.

 

[qmosqueen]

Compactor Operator - Tosses shit in without care. Mostly consumables and expired and moldy produce.
All the defectives from guest services and lots of liquids and chemicals.

 

[Kartman]

The BFETL would be in charge of the CO.

 

[can't touch this]

ETL-Lunch

That one ETL that goes around asking every other ETL and/or TL what they want for lunch, then either orders it or drives off to get it and bring it back. Then they take everyone to the conference room to eat.

They said fake positions. This one exists.

 

[commiecorvus]

ETL Logic - This is the person assigned to taking the most moronic instructions from Spot and figuring out how to actually make them work for real human beings without crushing their souls.
The turnover rate would be staggering.

 

[can't touch this]

ETL-Globetrotter

Travels all around the world to scope out the most exotic vacation spots, and has 150,000 pics on their Instagram taken in places that cost half of a team member’s annual salary in airfare alone

...fuck that one is real too. ETL-GE is in Straya at this very moment taking selfies next to Ayers Rock. Cheers, ya cunt!

 

[Billybobjoe]

ETL-clerical

Checks email, prints out the grid and watches team members clock in and out.

 

[NeoDarikona]

Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.

 

[Yetive]

ETL-Globetrotter

Travels all around the world to scope out the most exotic vacation spots, and has 150,000 pics on their Instagram taken in places that cost half of a team member’s annual salary in airfare alone

...fuck that one is real too. ETL-GE is in Straya at this very moment taking selfies next to Ayers Rock. Cheers, ya cunt!

I want to be Travel ETL

 

[Switch23]

Guest Liaison: Takes in bullshit that guests say and translates it to speakable english for us team members.