Just Joking Around: Fake Positions

[TheDailyLoader]

ETL-0:
Works at a shitty store. Tries to be a hero and improve said shitty store. Points out fatal flaws in operation standards and practices. Has many ideas and suggestions on how to fix said flaws, but to no avail. He goes unnoticed, just like the fire extinguisher that isn't secured right and could explode on impact if dropped, he is viewed by the overlords as scum and as such is punished with low hours and high reshop.

 

[TheDailyLoader]

Last but not least:
ETL TM-ETL:
The new guy who's been here for precisely two weeks. That's right two weeks. He has that charming douche bag attitude combined with the right amount of Know-It-All camaderie. Said to be rolling out just short of the fourth quarter of 2018, this guy thinks he's the boss and refuses to provide any work-critical assistance and if you are a dude will always respond to you with "yes mam" followed by a few bad jokes we haven't heard since elementary (possible middle) school. It is said this guy is setting out to be the most popular guy in school. And it shows. Better watch out, He is superior to you, even if you are an stl. 😂

 

[Amanda Cantwell]

Here where I'm at it's more "softliiines, you had reshop at guest seeeerviiiiis" every 10 fucking minutes

The only thing I’ll say about this is GS will get yelled at my store if we have a full cart and DONT call

 

[TheDailyLoader]

Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.

This one is real, I speak from experience, and it sucks balls harder than a dyson.

 

[MIRSlave]

TL-CC (consumer cellular)

Spends all day trying to show technologically impared septuagenarians how to use their galaxy j7s. Then arguing with them that the AARP discount only applies to the service cost and not the cost of the phone.

I want this to be a position so bad. I'd like to help other guests every once in a while

 

[starmaster1000]

ETL-Yes Desk or ETL-Money Furnace

They'll be responsible for accepting every single return possible, no matter how ludicrous, and if POS won't allow it, just go to the cash office and start passing out $20s to everyone standing in line.


Credit to @can't touch this

 

[oath2order]

Modernatization Specialist: That's right, the specialist position is back

 

[PackAndCry]

ETL-Freezer, backstocks in the freezer since nobody else wants to do it.

 

[YoNanas]

ETL-Globetrotter

Travels all around the world to scope out the most exotic vacation spots, and has 150,000 pics on their Instagram taken in places that cost half of a team member’s annual salary in airfare alone

...fuck that one is real too. ETL-GE is in Straya at this very moment taking selfies next to Ayers Rock. Cheers, ya cunt!

That sounds like my old STL taking nonstop vacations and hardly being in the store.

 

[can't touch this]

TL-CC (consumer cellular)

Spends all day trying to show technologically impared septuagenarians how to use their galaxy j7s. Then arguing with them that the AARP discount only applies to the service cost and not the cost of the phone.

I want this to be a position so bad. I'd like to help other guests every once in a while

lol imagine if the ConfusedBoomer Cellular TL were a thing, they'd have to push attachments like cruise packages, Viagra coupons and Grateful Dead merchandise

🤮🤮🤮🤮

and also they'd be cross merchandising with As Seen On TV shit

 

[YoNanas]

I would love the trash collector position, let the shift be 4am to 12:30pm.

Trash collector— goes around the store and gathers up the cups and trash left on the shelves. this is a 2 person 40 hours a week position.

 

[YoNanas]

That's multiple violations 😂 against both corporate policy and state law (depending on location, possibly federal law too) not allowed to dispose of chemicals in the compactor. 😤😧

Given low hours, that person doesn't give a shit what they toss in there. They try to get the job done in the hours given. No f given about corporate policy or state law. LOL.

 

[Tessa120]

lol imagine if the ConfusedBoomer Cellular TL were a thing, they'd have to push attachments like cruise packages, Viagra coupons and Grateful Dead merchandise

🤮🤮🤮🤮

and also they'd be cross merchandising with As Seen On TV shit

You forgot Metamucil attachments.

 

[YoNanas]

You forgot Metamucil attachments.

And also Depend attachments

 

[Black Sheep 214]

And also Depend attachments

Don’t forget Ensure.😂

 

[YoNanas]

ETL-TSC. They just sit there all day pretending they are working on the computer. Then they go to the breakroom to chat with ETL-Breakroom who requisitions some PopTarts from the vending machine.

 

[YoNanas]

ETL-Lobby. Just greeting guests and yelling at the cart attendant.

 

[seasonaldude]

HR-TM-Hiring Event. Stand in the front by the table looking forlorn and hoping somebody is interested.

GS-Gift Card. Have 20/20 vision so you can read off Gift Card access codes because no one over 30 who has spent a lot of time looking at phone/tablet/computer screens can read that tiny print.

 

[GoodyNN]

HR-TM-Hiring Event. Stand in the front by the table looking forlorn and hoping somebody is interested.

They actually had me doing this yesterday.....

 

[seasonaldude]

They actually had me doing this yesterday.....

I'm so sorry. That would suck. My post was actually inspired by a TM who was tasked with that at my store. I don't like her. She's lazy as fuck. But, damn, I felt sorry for her.

 

[Burlseveryday]

ETL-Carts

Someone fucking get some carts in here. Who scheduled the cart attendant to come in on a Saturday at NOON?
Stupid ETL-Carts

Back in my GSA days I had my own mail slot for some reason. Right before I quit doing that terrible job I took the store lablemaker and replaced "Guest Service Attendant" with "ETL-Cart Experience"
Those were the days.

 

[garbage]

Store 1040 is an actual store located in Vista, CA. If you go back and look how the jokes originated it was based off a TBR poster that claimed this store was full of osha violations. While we do occasionally make jokes about it let's remember that it's an actual store with actual TMS.

And here I was thinking the joke as 10-40 as in police code for lunch time lmao

 

[starmaster1000]

GSA-EBFE – guest service attendant, everywhere but front end

They are GSA but are doing nothing GSA-related and mostly odd jobs, focusing their attention on everything other than the registers and Guest Service Desk.

 

[sigma7]

Fixture room clerk: Responsible for organization and receipt of fixtures. No one else is allowed in. They tell you what they need or give you a bill of materials and you get it for them.

 

[commiecorvus]

Fixture room clerk: Responsible for organization and receipt of fixtures. No one else is allowed in. They tell you what they need or give you a bill of materials and you get it for them.

A job that should come with a tip jar.