Archived Condescending Quote Thread

[REDcardJJ]

*Guest has no receipt and paid with cash*
"This is ridiculous, I don't understand why I just can't get cash back! Why does it have to be a Gift Card? Can't you override it?!"

honestly I'd have a hard time keeping my face straight and not laughing at them

 

[Coqui]

TM who’s never worked a Starbucks shift: “All you do is pour coffee.”

*Schedules them for training*

TM: “Does a caramel macchiato have coffee?”

 

[Times Up]

TM who’s never work

TM: “Does a caramel macchiato have coffee?”

TM who’s never worked a Starbucks shift: ......TM: “Does a caramel macchiato have coffee?”

Valid question, IMO.

BTW, does it?

 

[Amanda Cantwell]

Valid question, IMO.

BTW, does it?

Yes. Basically Everything at Starbucks has coffee except Tea, Hot Chocolate, and Creme Frappuccinos.

 

[Yetive]

Lemonade, refreshers, and anything decaf (decaf really doesn't count as coffee ).

 

[Amanda Cantwell]

Lemonade, refreshers, and anything decaf (decaf really doesn't count as coffee ).

I hate the taste of coffee so I can’t even get coffee frappuccinos!

 

[Times Up]

Lemonade, refreshers, and anything decaf (decaf really doesn't count as coffee ).

But it tastes just as 'yucky' as coffee with caffeine!

 

[Amanda Cantwell]

But it tastes just as 'yucky' as coffee with caffeine!

If you’re like me and like chocolate but not coffee I highly recommend the dark mocha creme frappuccino and peppermint hot chocolate

 

[Flow Warrior]

Giving those displays away is easier than fighting to get in in the garbage crusher, especially when there's more than one.

you do it after the bale is pulled. There is nothing more fun than crushing it first. (after you line the bottom of course)

 

[Flow Warrior]

I had a Keurig display (The platinum edition) stolen that had the cord cut off.
My questions where, "How did they get it out of the door without anyone noticing?" and "What the hell were they going to do with it when they got it home?"

Thats just amusing stupid.

 

[Flow Warrior]

Mine was a rice cooker a few weeks ago. Lady brought the display up to SD and I said, uh, this is a display model, we can't sell this. She asked if she could get a discount since it was display. I said it wouldn't work without a cord and she asked me to go get her the cord.
Um, lady, THE CORD IS CUT OFF FFS
She asked me if I could reattach it.

Why are people so damn stupid???

I had one of those. I tell them it has no motor and it is shipped this way so it cant be stolen. And I wait. It will snap in eventually.

 

[Flow Warrior]

Assuming guests read their receipts; ours don't.

Yours read? We have people angry because one of the price scanners is dead but we have to leave it up because PMT said it will get lost if he takes it down.

 

[Flow Warrior]

Back when a certain song from Frozen would always come on on the Christmas music display, or toy, or TV monitor, or somebody's ringtone, if a guest saw us grimace, they'd sometimes say something like "How can you NOT like that song?"

 

[Flow Warrior]

I

I would tell them to Let it Go

i will be honest, I love the song and before I got promoted would activate the dolls as I walked through.

Now, its stuffed HeiHei

 

[GoodyNN]

HeiHei is da bomb

 

[Stuff2]

I feel you, spaceprincess. People suck. They criticize you no matter what size you are. You could be thin or curvy and they would hate on you.

I look skinny but am over 100 lbs. I get a lot of a-holes telling me that I "must weigh 90 pounds" and "need to eat more."

F**k those people. It's none of their business how much we weigh. What is important is that we are healthy.

My favorite was the lady who whispered to me that I need deodorant 7 hours into my shift. I do use it, but at that point I'd largely been in the small, barely unventilated stockroom lifting merchandise up and down ladders. I am a pretty large person. I'm just gonna smell kind of off after hours of that kind of work, especially in stifling conditions. Still makes me feel bad about myself, though.

 

[Stuff2]

TM who’s never worked a Starbucks shift: “All you do is pour coffee.”

*Schedules them for training*

TM: “Does a caramel macchiato have coffee?”

At the same time, there's a Corporate Starbucks near my Target, which has it's own Starbucks, and the difference is night and day. Sad to say, my Target's Starbucks team is noticably inattentive towards customers compared to the Corporate one, as well as much slower.

 

[Frontlanegirl]

I hate the taste of coffee so I can’t even get coffee frappuccinos!

I don't drink coffee and when I have done it in the past i use a lot of cream and sugar. I have ordered a coffee frap before with use one squirt of coffee. Tastes really good.

 

[REDcardJJ]

My favorite was the lady who whispered to me that I need deodorant 7 hours into my shift. I do use it, but at that point I'd largely been in the small, barely unventilated stockroom lifting merchandise up and down ladders. I am a pretty large person. I'm just gonna smell kind of off after hours of that kind of work, especially in stifling conditions. Still makes me feel bad about myself, though.

People like that are customers, not guests. Screw 'em.

 

[3LetterDevil]

My favorite was the lady who whispered to me that I need deodorant 7 hours into my shift. I do use it, but at that point I'd largely been in the small, barely unventilated stockroom lifting merchandise up and down ladders. I am a pretty large person. I'm just gonna smell kind of off after hours of that kind of work, especially in stifling conditions. Still makes me feel bad about myself, though.

Hell, anyone would smell kind of “off” after that! Fuck her! I had someone tell me I needed “freshening up” when it was the lingering smell of the person before them at the register.

 

[commiecorvus]

My favorite was the lady who whispered to me that I need deodorant 7 hours into my shift. I do use it, but at that point I'd largely been in the small, barely unventilated stockroom lifting merchandise up and down ladders. I am a pretty large person. I'm just gonna smell kind of off after hours of that kind of work, especially in stifling conditions. Still makes me feel bad about myself, though.

That is the moment when you ask if you can hustle over to her house and use her shower so as not to offend her precious sense of smell any more.

 

[Flow Warrior]

At the same time, there's a Corporate Starbucks near my Target, which has it's own Starbucks, and the difference is night and day. Sad to say, my Target's Starbucks team is noticably inattentive towards customers compared to the Corporate one, as well as much slower.

No, please make me one without it. rubs hands evilly.

 

[PackAndCry]

Ship from Store:

"Ugh, why do you keep needing stuff unlocked?"

"SFS can't be that hard, you just shop all day."

"The backroom would be so much cleaner if you people didn't keep making a mess of it."

"Why do you need my keys so much? Just get it all at once."

 

[Bosch]

Ship from Store:

"Ugh, why do you keep needing stuff unlocked?"

"SFS can't be that hard, you just shop all day."

"The backroom would be so much cleaner if you people didn't keep making a mess of it."

"Why do you need my keys so much? Just get it all at once."

x2.

"Can you skip that item and come back later?"
No.

"Why do you INF so much softlines?"

To quote you: "That stockroom is such a mess we don't know what carts are backstock and what is push." If you don't know what is in there how should I know, you are the Softlines ETL..

 

[PackAndCry]

x2.

"Can you skip that item and come back later?"
No.

"Why do you INF so much softlines?"

To quote you: "That stockroom is such a mess we don't know what carts are backstock and what is push." If you don't know what is in there how should I know, you are the Softlines ETL..

"Why are you always walking around waving that gray thing?"

"Why can't you just cancel it? It gets sent to another store, right?"

"I know we tied a bunch of stuff without setting it, but why are your INFs so high?"

"Why do you always need help packing? It's just putting stuff in boxes."

"I wish they would put ME in SFS."

(when we're reclaiming one of our zebras that salesfloor stole) "Well, it's not like you guys need it."

[insert misunderstanding of the difference between orders, DPCIs, and eaches of your choice here]